[watermelon and harmonies]
so at church this past sunday my harmony was sitting with a bunch of her friends. they all grummas too. i went to my harmony, gave a her a big motherfuckin hug, and talked to her a bit. she told the rest of the grumma that i’m her grandson.
i think since their old they keep forgetting who i am. but then one of the grummas told me to com over to her so i did.
so i went to the grumma, and stood behind her to talk and she grabbed me and pulled me down and made me wrap my arms around her.
cute?
kinda.
cause at that point she was placing my hand on a very unfortunate area.
her boob.
like right there.
it was so, uncomfortable.
and she just….kept it there. and kept like. tapping it.
gahd.
so for fathers day i had family stuff and then a dinner with my fam, wallys fam, and friend of the family. the girl there is my sisters god daughter. lets call her vana. shes a funny girl. she is 20 years old. watermelon came out.
me: want some watermelon?
vana: i dont eat watermelon.
wally and i chokes.
wally: WHAT???
me: WHY?
vana: i’ve never had it before.
me & wally: WHAT THE FUCK
so its not that she’s allergic or anything. she says watermelon has a certain nasty smell and she doesn’t want to eat it. and we were like it smells like water! it is water! its the best fruit! and when they altered them so they don’t have seeds anymore?! its like using internet. at first, its great. and then seedless is like when cable connection came out. i’m not tryin to get all religious and shit on my blog, but watermelon is one of God’s greatest gifts. remember the days when you were little, you play outside on a hot summer day, and you run inside and your mom has watermelon cut into triangles, and then you just bite the tops off of every one of them cause tahts the sweetest and then your mom yells at you and you get in trouble cause no ones gonna want to eat the rest with some kid biting into all of em?
those were the days.
me&wally: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
vana: i know 4 other kids whos never eaten it before either!
so. weird.
——————
funnies.
k smell you later i love your bye
::]
#SWEETLIFE
guest blogger: J.Song
so last weekend, a bunch of us went to merriweather post pavilion for sweetlife, an annual festival of music and food.
planning for saturday’s all day festival began friday night:
hutch: everyone be at larry’s by 10:30 am!!! we have to be there by noon to catch fun.!!! (heard this at least 10 times)
everyone: ok
the next morning, im literally speeding on my way to larry’s to avoid napoleon’s wrath. courage and i both get there at 10:30. larry’s ready to go. but of course this fool hutch is nowhere to be found. he finally arrives at 11:45…his excuse: “my parents made me eat breakfast”. bitch, you ever heard of a pop tart?? who the fuck eats an hour long breakfast, especially when it was your idea to meet so early? THE AUDACITY. at this point, we’re like whatever…we grab some micky d’s, hit the atm, and we’re finally on our way. we want to stop by ABC, which is like 2 minutes out of the way, but hutch swears he knows a liquor store in maryland “on the way”, so we reluctantly agree to go there. big mistake…
hutch: look out on the right for a liquor store…should be soon.
at this point, im in serious concentration mode, carefully looking at every store, expecting to see a LIQUOR STORE sign. eventually..
hutch: actually, i doubt theres one there, but keep looking.
me: WTF! you got us looking for something that most likely doesnt even exist?
after 18 U-turns (hutch is the worst navigator in the world), we finally get to a liquor store, get what we need, and then finally end up at merriweather.
for some reason, i thought the plan was to finish whatever we bought at the store BEFORE going into the venue. i crushed 1/5th of black in about 15 minutes.
hutch, courage and larry: WTF
that set the tone for the rest of my day right there.
courage forgot his ticket, so he ended up waiting in the parking lot for like 4+ hours. hutch was MIA, most likely buying beers for underage girls (true story). larry and i were goin SPAM. after a few hours of non stop drinking (and eating), we see a group of people at a picnic table, and a girl is painting everyone’s faces.
larry walks up to the group:
larry: um, can you paint us next?
girl: actually, theres a line over there to get your own paint…
larry: please??
and this was the result:
god…at this point, me and larry are geekin the fuck out. people are coming up and asking to get their faces painted…
me and larry: wtf does this look like, a face painting station (in their defense, thats probably exactly what it looked it). GO WAIT IN LINE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE!
after getting our faces painted, we just keep drinking. the rest of our friends finally show up (monica decided to party like it was 1999 the night before), but at this point, larry is DONE.
he eventually wakes up, and right before kid cudi comes on, we decide to try to make it closer to the stage.
we literally cut in front of thousands of suckers waiting in line and we somehow make it to the pit. #LikeABoss
throughout the day, the aroma of marijuana was overwhelming. but when cudi hit the stage, it went to a whole ‘nother level. talk about maui wowie.
cudi was awesome.
avicii was the headliner, and he was cool for the first 10 minutes, but i couldnt really take much more after that. i couldnt find larry and courage, so i just left and went to the car and sat outside.
larry and courage showed up not too much later, then we waited another hour for hutch (story of our lives). all in all, it was a good day. definitely plan on going next year.
til next time,
ROK.
