lets say you have an identical twin brother/sister. your twin sibling has a boyfriend/girlfriend and theyve banged it out—-err “made love.” does the single twin think “oh man, his/her girlfriend/boyfriend has seen me nekkid.” cause i would think that. and then i would think “thas not really fair.” but then its not like you can ask your twin “hey, since your girlfriend seen me neks, we should work out some kinda deal here” unless shes hideous. then i won’t ask. i dont think your twin would appreciate that. so is this a common problem?
i gotta coworker and his name is pj. i think, i THINK he’s gay. i got no problem with it, just an observation. why do i think he’s gay? its just his mannerisms, the stuff he says. but at the same time, i don’t think he’s gay. how so? well, cause of his mannerisms, and the shit he says. its really confusing. like if there was a definition of a confusing gay guy, it would be pj.
on his desk he has a picture of him and this pretty black girl, but i think its his sister. on the other frame theres a picture of him and this guy. they dont look alike. potential boyfriend? how do you find out if he’s gay or not without offending him? i need one of my boys to flirt with him to see what results we can get.
anyways pj likes to slack off at work a lot. i slack off too. but i keep my shit real. i’ll have my fingers on alt tab, NEVER laugh out loud when im by myself, hide screens when i leave my desk, etc.
PJ? its sometimes dead silent, and he just BURSTS OUT LAUGHING. and he starts giggling, and then bursts out laughing again!! like its obvious he’s watching something funny.
and then sometimes i go into his office to ask him a question, he’s not there. but his youtube is up! like HEY MAN be careful with that shit.
why do i care? if management sees him watching that shit, they’ll raise internet restrictions and then i won’t be able to watch my stuff!
sometimes i feel like closing his browsers for him to protect us slackers. but im afraid he’ll be standing right behind me and he might 50%gayishly yell at me.
i love you bye
quick weekend recap
i played softball for our church tournament on saturday. im not much of an athlete but softball aint hard. hit the ball, catch the ball. its just the standing around and heat i can’t stand. so i’m playin outfield, watchin the batter, talking to tommy and wally.
the batter is suckin hard. STRIKE 1.
its so hot i decided to put my baseball glove on my head for extra shade.
wally: HAHA he’s so bored
tommy: he has the glove on his head!
this is literally the first inning i’m playin for the day, what are the chances anything happens on my side? i even thought about just smoking a cigarette cause its so boring.
i’m standing there, literally watchin a bug fly around.
and i stare at them.
then i look around and it felt like the world was staring at me.
like wat the fuck are yall lookin at?
then i realize hyunoo is running behind me.
hyunoo: WHAT THE FUCK!! GAHD LARRY. SHIT
paul: WHAT TEH FUCK LARRY. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK. PAY THE FUCK ATTENTION.
turns out the ball went right towards me, and as i was watching the bug fly happily around me, the ball ended up right behind me. LOL.
safe to say they got pretty pissed at me. LOL.
at least i didn’t get sunburnt.
you know when you’re drunk when everybody else thinks the club is crowded but you think it wasn’t. i spent buttloads of money on alcohol. why is it that whenever its my friends birthday, i get more wasted? i remember grace jumped on the couch and said “those are some crazy ass dance moves”. and the fucked up thing was that i didnt even know i was dancing. then we dance on the couch but at this point i think ima fall off so i decided “maybe not the best idea. and plus i look like an attention seeking whore.” and then i look at john kang and daveed are up with me LOL.
sunday morning was pho with my weekend housemates, a whole day adventure with robs, and landmines. my ass couldn’t even make it to church. and it was hot as fuck.
monday i woke up and watched thor, captian america, and top gun on epix.
and THEN had a spontaneous indoor-$50-barbeque-for two.
then watched thor captain america and top gun again.
time to hit the beach
i go to bed, thinking of random stuff. i sometimes get a good nights rest, other than the occasional night terror ya know (tell me what you know about them night terrors every night, 5 am cold sweats wakin up to the skies)
when i wake up naturally, i think “fuck. i missed my alarm, i’m late for work.” my hearts beating faast, as i frantically grab my phone. im awake an hour before my alarm goes off! yes! so i get even more excited cause i get to sleep in more. but first, i homeboys gotta pee. so i pee. and then time go to back to sleep.
but im so excited about sleeping an hour more, i can’t sleep. and then finally, my eyes about to close and then…..my alarm goes off. and now im jus tired as fuck. does that happen to you? cause it happens to me all the fuckin time.
we all watch jeopardy occasionally. not the whole episode but bits and pieces of it. the show format is a little reversed. the host reveals the catergories, and one contestant chooses which one to challenge. the host, alex trebek, reads the answer, and the contestants have to figure out the question. like…
alex: this is a red substance found on burgers.
contestant, and everybody at home watching plays along saying : what is ketchup?
alex: correct! for $800
thats how normal people play. these days i’ve been observing tommy watching jeopardy and i have to say, its quite fascinating.
when alex trebek reveals the categories, tommy plays host and reads them outloud with alex, as if its an after school read a long special.
when alex reads the answer, tommy reads it with him, mimicking his voice. again, as if its a read a long.
and then tommy blurts out random answers cause he has NOOO idea what the right answer is.
and occasionally he gets one right. his mouth drops, smiles, and looks around the room if anybody heard him.
i give him the nod of approval, and then he continues to follow along.
so essentially, when tommy watches jeopardy, he plays the announcer, host, AND contestant.
sorry i’ve been MIA folks.
my work computer had a virus last week. started off with a couple. when i got my computer back, the techie told me i had 32. i was in a meeting with my boss…
bozz: man, how you manage to get so many damn viruses? thats like an accomplishment.
me: haha just couldn’t stop lookin at gay porn
lesson of the day: know your fuckin audience.
story about a girl
a few months ago my mom told me to someone might move in with my parents for a little bit until they find a place. i was thinking okay. the other day i went to my room to grab some of my dry cleaning and some summer clothes.
mother: someone lives there now
me: what?! in my room??? what about my stuff?
mother: um…yeah shes living here until she finds a place.
so turns out my moms close friends’ godmothers daughter or something like that needed a place to stay cause she just moved here.
me: uh you coulda told me before so i coulda cleaned out my shizz!
mother: you mean your video games, comic books and toys?
me: no, my clothes. and theyre not toys, theyre figurines that i painted myself. i dont play with them.
mother: in the other room. do you want to meet her?
me: yeah but–
mother: christine!! my sons here!
mother: CHRISTINE. CHRISTINE!!
me: shes busy, ima just take my shit and leave! i’ll meet her another time.
mother: wanna meet my son?
christine: i’m in the bathroom…
mother: say hi!
christine: uhhh HI. i’ll be out in a couple minutes.
i think at this point we’re both mortified.
and im thinking omg, my mom is introducing us while shes probably in the middle of taking a shit. or shes not taking a shit, but shes probably already assuming that i think that shes being introduced to her while shes taking a shit. and its not like she can just walk out and say “hey i wasn’t talking to you for the first time ever while ttaking a shit.”
she comes out all frazzled.
we exchange pleasantries, say hi and all that shit. this whole time i wondered if she was gonna be hot. she is not. nor is she cute. but awfully nice girl though. pretty nerdy and definitely not shy. she used to work for….guess? GOOGLE. WTF!!! she went to welseslely or whatever in boston, move to san fran to work for google. and then she quit, to work for a small catholic minsitry! WTF! who. DOES. THAT.
me: well it was nice meeting you. do you know anybody here?
christine: no, actually i dont!
me (thinking gahd damn it): oh well hey let me get your number and i’ll show you around sometime
i then went for a handshake. and we started shaking hands.
christine: aw shucks i’m a hugger!
and then she went for a hug! but while shaking hands, which turned into more of a bro hug. you can’t bro hug a girl cause your tapping your forearm against the chest! but she went for it anyway. gahd that was weird.
went to a crucially good school, worked for a company that basically rules the world, and dropped all that shit to work for a catholic ministry in ASHBURN FUCKING VIRGINIA. girl doesn’t look like shes ever smoked, snorted, injected or drank anything in her life. my mom just had her arm around her the whole time. i think this is the kid my mom always wanted.
my sister is smart, pretty, but also moved away, mean as shit, and parties.
i help out at chuch, ridiculously good looking, good with people, but i live a reckless lifestyle and i didn’t go to an ivy league school.
this girl is anti-larrymary. my sister and i have been fighting each other for our parents affection for 27 years. this girl won it in 28 hours.
we have a common enemy on our hands now.
but she seems like a very nice girl.
vote for my boy, CHARLES HAN. there is a poll on the right side of the page when you scroll down.
okay i love you buhbye
this weekend was a shitshow. friday was johnhur’s goin away/birthday party and it was good to see a lot of people. so after ballroom, it was already a given a lot of people were gonna go back to our place to contnue the friday night slaughter. what was the worst part? i had to work for my parents the next day. ALL day. if you dont know, my parents are in the dry cleaning business. and saturday? thats the worst fuckin day. good for business, bad to work with a hangover. a lot of shit happens on days like this. some funny, some awkward, and some just plain fucked up. this is great falls, so theres a lot of over top rich people here.
this lady rolls up waves me to go come to her car like i’m so poor kid off the street. i go there, and she tells me to help her with a pile of blankets, pillows and other stuff to take into the store and i did. theres a LOT. she’s a really nice lady and was talkin about how shes been goin to my dads store for years. since shes a regular, she just drops her shit off and just leaves cause my pops knows her name, her preferences etc.
lady: yeah meagan just came back from college! shes gonna come pick the stuff up on wednesday so you’ll get to see her
pop: oh really? thas nice
lady: yeeeaaahh, and i am not letting her sheets and blankets touch anything in the house until we clean it.
lady: cause knowing my daughter, who knows what she was doing…
the lady made the eeeegh face. i made the uncomfortable face.
oh man, this lady just inadvertantly called her daughter a whore. the lady herself is a MILF, so she must have a hot daughter too or something. and the worst part? i was carrying all that shiet in, and it was like a pile so it was all up on my face and shit. GAHD, no wonder she made me carry it.
around towards end of the day, my mom came to the store. all three of us were working on the counter like one happy dry cleaning family and we were laughing at some stuff. from a far, i see a customer walking towards the store carrying a few clothes. this guy did NOT look happy. i look to the left, and i look the right. my parents were no where to be seen. they just DIPPED.
he walks in and unleashes the fury on me. something about his button being loose, and it wasn’t even our fault. and it takes like 5 minutes to fix! this guy had a fuckin temper. like CHILL OUT BUDDY.
and then he leaves all angry, which makes me get all “wtf is your problem man”.
and of course as soon as hes gone, “coincidentally” my parents show up, like nothing happened.
me: thanks for that
mom: what? he’s an old customer of mine. got in a fight with him at my store, can’t see me working here. (my parents own two stores in great falls, right across from each other. people dont know its the same people working on the clothes)
i looked at my pop for his excuse.
pop (smling): i just had to check something the back.
my parents have iphones. my sister lives in cali. both their phones have my sister on their background wallpaper. its looks pretty. i got jealous. why couldn’t they have one of us both? or one have my sister, and the other have a picture of me? this got me ragin. so i changed my moms. my dad saw what i was doing. he laughed and cautiously unplugged his phone from the charger and put it in his pocket.
mom (in korean): you little bitch! what is this!
happy monday yall
tommy and i went to wendy’s the other day. we ordered the same thing, and i grabbed a table to eat. i might as well eat by myself, cause this guy takes forever to get ketchup.
wendy’s has a ketchup holders the size of my finger nail. and for a ketchup guy like tommy, this takes a fuckin while. tommy doesn’t give two shits about the people behind him waiting in line.
by the time he gets to the table, it looks like his tray is on its period. and im pretty much done eating. i think ima email wendy’s headquarters to make the cups even smaller so i can see his reaction.
and the funny parts is when we’re at wendys and he’s eating a burger. the burger is big and round, while the kethcup cup is small as shit.
theres a split second of confusion when tommy tries to dip the burger in the small kethcup holder. like trying to fit your fist through the button hole on your dress shirt.
he quickly realizes its not possible, so he squeeezes it on top.
last week we saw kid cudi, and joan calls me on conference call with jrok. “i have four free front row tickets to lupe fiasco. wanna go?”
UH FUCK YEAH I DO. so we get ready to go.
of course we didn’t wanna see the opening acts so we drank a few beers at home and then went. right when we got to our seats, he literally walked on stage. as if he was waiting for us to come. thanks mr fiasco.
shit was goin nuts, but there was one problem. weve been drinkin, but we didn’t eat anything. jason and i go on a beer/hot dog run.
joan comes back from the bathroom and she keeps bumpin into me. her arms all wet.
joan: someone spilled lemonade all over me.
next time joan, try to wash it off first so you dont get me all sticky.
so we all eatin, hands up, dancin, bobbin head to lupe’s shiet.
i feel the side of my pant leg.
i look at joan.
joan looks at me.
i put my hand up in the light.
i got chili and cheese on me.
next time joan, we’re going to a place that serves only water, and i’m getting you loafs of bread.
all in all, good night.
have a great weekend everybody,
OOOH in case you missed it or didn’t get enough of it…
girl who is hot = hot.
girl who can dance = really hot
girl wearing somethin hot and dancing = really fuckin hot.
girl wearing somethin hot and dancing lookin real cute doin the cat daddy = really fuckin hot out of my mind
this one goes out to the fellas
2. miranda kerr
3. kate upton. i initially thought she was over hyped. then i saw this.
nova korean restaurants
any club in vegas
chicken n beer
larry and wally’s monopoly (this version is when either when larry or wally are allowed to be bankers and property manager, involves poker, blackjack breaks)
funniest korean names that i know of
friends who have unfortunate names (michael chu (my ggotchu (my penis)), eric shin (erection)
favorite singers i know personally
bernie mac (RIP)
fresh prince of bel air
friday night lights
kinds of food
random unexpected food you eat thas first date (like cpk)
food you can’t eat cause you’re having too much fun with the people or person youre with
food your friends cook together
sports to watch
sports to play
football (when people let me play)
kpop boy bands
seo taiji and boys
american whiteboy bands
fuck one direction
black people groups
boyz ii men
mariah carey = G.O.A.T
songs to hear at the club
trey songz – say ahh
cali swag district – teach me how to dougie
lmfao – shots
people who laugh at everything
peter (one time i literally said the word “door” and he laughed)
best story tellers (people you’ll never say “cool story bro, tell it again”)
noodles for pasta
the cork screw one
worst noodles for pasta
the spaghetti with the hole in the middle
those big raviolis. you only get like 6. and am i supposed to cut it and eat it or just eat it one bite?
unexpected talents a girl could do that i would find attractive (like they should have a sense of style, dance, whatever)
likes to eat sandwiches
make me laugh
best curse words
moving objects with yo motherfuckin mind!
best people to nrb with
stephen choi (you dont know him)
things that girls wear that i think is hot
boots (non heel ones, not high boots. omg when they wear that with jean shorts holy shiet nuhmoo sexy ya)
shirt that exposes the shoulder
big tank tops
honory mention: when they wear THEIR boy’s shirt
people you don’t want to be sober around when theyre drunk
couples (no offense to anybody else)
brian and jen
donna and thana
tommy and deborah when theyre both passed out on a saturday at 3 pm on separate couches
can you feel the love tonight
a whole new world
kiss the girl
k i love you bye
guest blogger: J.Song
so last weekend, a bunch of us went to merriweather post pavilion for sweetlife, an annual festival of music and food.
planning for saturday’s all day festival began friday night:
hutch: everyone be at larry’s by 10:30 am!!! we have to be there by noon to catch fun.!!! (heard this at least 10 times)
the next morning, im literally speeding on my way to larry’s to avoid napoleon’s wrath. courage and i both get there at 10:30. larry’s ready to go. but of course this fool hutch is nowhere to be found. he finally arrives at 11:45…his excuse: “my parents made me eat breakfast”. bitch, you ever heard of a pop tart?? who the fuck eats an hour long breakfast, especially when it was your idea to meet so early? THE AUDACITY. at this point, we’re like whatever…we grab some micky d’s, hit the atm, and we’re finally on our way. we want to stop by ABC, which is like 2 minutes out of the way, but hutch swears he knows a liquor store in maryland “on the way”, so we reluctantly agree to go there. big mistake…
hutch: look out on the right for a liquor store…should be soon.
at this point, im in serious concentration mode, carefully looking at every store, expecting to see a LIQUOR STORE sign. eventually..
hutch: actually, i doubt theres one there, but keep looking.
me: WTF! you got us looking for something that most likely doesnt even exist?
after 18 U-turns (hutch is the worst navigator in the world), we finally get to a liquor store, get what we need, and then finally end up at merriweather.
for some reason, i thought the plan was to finish whatever we bought at the store BEFORE going into the venue. i crushed 1/5th of black in about 15 minutes.
hutch, courage and larry: WTF
that set the tone for the rest of my day right there.
courage forgot his ticket, so he ended up waiting in the parking lot for like 4+ hours. hutch was MIA, most likely buying beers for underage girls (true story). larry and i were goin SPAM. after a few hours of non stop drinking (and eating), we see a group of people at a picnic table, and a girl is painting everyone’s faces.
larry walks up to the group:
larry: um, can you paint us next?
girl: actually, theres a line over there to get your own paint…
and this was the result:
god…at this point, me and larry are geekin the fuck out. people are coming up and asking to get their faces painted…
me and larry: wtf does this look like, a face painting station (in their defense, thats probably exactly what it looked it). GO WAIT IN LINE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE!
after getting our faces painted, we just keep drinking. the rest of our friends finally show up (monica decided to party like it was 1999 the night before), but at this point, larry is DONE.
he eventually wakes up, and right before kid cudi comes on, we decide to try to make it closer to the stage.
we literally cut in front of thousands of suckers waiting in line and we somehow make it to the pit. #LikeABoss
throughout the day, the aroma of marijuana was overwhelming. but when cudi hit the stage, it went to a whole ‘nother level. talk about maui wowie.
cudi was awesome.
avicii was the headliner, and he was cool for the first 10 minutes, but i couldnt really take much more after that. i couldnt find larry and courage, so i just left and went to the car and sat outside.
larry and courage showed up not too much later, then we waited another hour for hutch (story of our lives). all in all, it was a good day. definitely plan on going next year.
til next time,