on friday there was a sorority gathering at ara. i dont think ive seen that many whiteblack folk in one place in annandale before. they’re celebrating somethin cause they all have their jackets on and they is cuttin cake. and it looked good as shiet.
one girl was walking with a group of girls, with a plate. i had a couple beers in me and i didnt give a fuck. i told tommy i was gonna get a slice of that cake.
me: ay girl is that cake?
girl: yeah! you want it?
me: YEAH!!! THANKS.
bam. got it. shared it with deBear and oh man it was so good that i thought my pupils were dialated. instant nirvana. my goal friday went from “havin a good time and not get too drunk” to “get another slice of that damn cake.”
so i went around lookin for the girl who gave me the cake, but too bad all these mofos looked the same! the only thing i could remember was that the nickname on her jacket started with a “v.” so i just circled around ara for about half an hour lookin for a plate of cake.
i thought i made a break when i saw a girl named “victory.” as i approached “victory” i thought to myself: this would be a horrible stripper name.
me: excuse me…
this girl clearly wasn’t the girl who gave me the cake before.
me: yall still got that cake?
me: can i get some cake
so i got rejected about 2 times after that. i wonder if these girls are starting to think im tryin to hit on them? i had to change my cake pick up line.
me: excuse me?
me: look im not tryin to hit on ya or anything but i jus want some cake
me: okay. no it is.
after few more fails i just went straight to the point.
i gave up in the end. sigh. my mouth will forever yearn for that chocolatey marble cake.
sunday, i got a text from monica to pick up some cakeee for chanho’s bday. last minute cake meant that i had to stop by somewhere quick and get one. not that i wouldve gotten anything fancy anyways. cause my fave cakes are the super sugary ones from grocery stores. none of that cream icing bland fruity shilla shit. if your gonna cake out, you better cake the fuck out.
so i got a cake, and as i was walking towards the car, i tripped and BAM. there goes the cake. FUCK. it was still edible, but i knew my friends would give me shit on not replacing the cake.
i told the store the bag ripped and the cake fell out and luckily i got another one.
and thas the story about me and cake.
so a row of degenerates at churhc stand up and leave early to go to monica and my bday party.
the club was hot as shiet. literally not figuratively.
joan asked to buy me my first shot, and i said sure. took about 30 minutes of waiting and declining other shots so i could get one from her to see her dancing away. forgot that i was waiting. THANKS.
johnhur then asked to get my shot, but i guess the bartender didn’t like his face so he just kept skipping him for about another 20 minutes. FINALLY i got my shots. thanks guys.
i bump into monica for a status update.
moni: are you drunk?
me: no, not really. are you?
moni: no! but im feelin good! i think its gonna be a good drunk night.
me: good good! seems like everybodys havin a good time!
moni: i know right! its gonna be a good night!!
that was then.
i was dancing with pretty miss christina until i heard a beat. a very familiar beat. then i heard the words
“yellow diamonds in the light”. my heart started to race, my legs started tremblin, and jason cleezy steve tommy hurzor and i immmediately made eye contact.
i moved her and yelled “I GOTTA GO.”
and i bolted through the crowd and we all started jumpin and dancin together. WHY?
for the past couple months, everytime we were out, the song would come on when we were fuuucked up. we would all immediately text the missing person (usually cleezy) the lyrics to the song. and go asshole crazy. its an inside joke. but this was the first time in a long time we were all there.
next thing i know im in a dance battle with monica. annnd shiet goes down lol.
doug bought a bottle of moet thinkin “people got their drinks in. time to end it with some bubbly.” so he passed the glasses around.
doug: ay jason get one too!
jason: fuck it! why not?
so jason gets one too. cleezy is fucked up.
jason: ay cleezy get a bottle too!
a bottle each was $300+. but thanks guys! lol.
later on tommy comes up to me.
tommy: get christina take you home, champion (not using his real name) got kicked out. and monica is wasted
apparently, there was a line in the bathroom and someone cut in front of champion.
the dude was a dick and slammed the door in front of champions face.
julia gave champion the “are you gonna let him get away with that?” look. we all later found out it was a “how rude i cant beleieve he did that” look.
champion had to do what he had to do. appraoched the guy, the guy was being a dick, so champion clocked the dude in the face 3 times. steve pulls him off, and they get kicked out.
after my new awesome friend stephanie dropped me off, i saw the peopls champ eating ramen.
champion: my bad man.
me: HAHA sall good i didnt even know
champion: its that damn champagne. gets me violent.
there are many other stories, but dont wanna get into it. lol.
Past few days i’ve been watching movies a lot on ABC Family, Nick, etc. lately i’ve been getting some pretty crucial bad luck. theyre not great movies, but movies with just a few scenes that i want to see. for instance, i was watching step 2. lets face it, aside from the dances, that movie is horrible. do i really care that some white girl with 50% street cred is tryin to make it as a professional dancer whos attitude isn’t accepted at the prep school?
so before every final dance number in any dance-related movie, of course there has to be a speech. the girl doesn’t wanna go on stage, perform etc, finally she comes to a realization, gives this long speech about what she realized.
again, ladies and gentlemen, the magic number is zero. that is the amount of fucks i give. i just wanna see yall motherfuckers dance. if i was a character in the movie i would say “shut the fuck up, and just dance biatch.”
so i watched the last probably 40 minutes of the movie waiting for this final scene (which is easily accessible on youtube btw), and here goes her speech.
blahblahblah…the streets is where you can be whoever you want to be…no ones judged by…blahblahblah…if youre too scared to give us a shot…we’re gonna go dance on the streets where it started….blahblahfuckinblippity blah
AND THEN MY ASS FELL ASLEEP.
i watched 40 minutes of absolute shit ONLY to fall asleep before the best scene.
this kind of shits been happenin a lot.
on saturday everybody left the house to get some hungover breakfast. NOT this guy. i wanted to do some laundry, tidy up a little bit, and take a shower.
so while i was taking a shwoer, i hear the door open and im kinda freakin out.
me: ay! yeah they all left to get breakfast
monica: okay ill be downstairs
so i did my thing and then i realized i had no towel.
i stuck my head out the bathroom door.
me: are you downstairs?
me: okay DON’T COME UPSTAIRS
so i walk out of my bathroom ass nekkid and then i hear footsteps comin up. mind you i’m still in the hallway. like wtf. what a freakin pervert. i can sense that shes almost about to turn the corner. and if that happens we’re gonna have one hell of an awkward confrontation.
me: monica freeze
me: uhh wat are you doing i just got out of the shower
monica: wait are you naked?
me: DUH why do you think i told you not to come upstairs?
monica: i thought you said to “come up stairs”? omg. AH.
yea right “ah.” nice try, pervert. guess she heard what she wanted to hear and forget the word “DON’T”.
anyways my kids wanted to make a jump picture.
this is what they got. click to enlarge. its the expression.
hope everybodys enjoying their day!!!
so i’m on my way yesterday to get a haircut and i get call from my parents house. its my harmony (grumma) <3 . i was thinkin “oh man, my harmony is callin me to say happy birthday. das madd cute.”
(all in korean)
me: hello harmony!
harmony: its me.
me: haha i know
harmony: my cell phone is dead.
me: oh man
harmony: are you gonna pick me up for church
me: yeah sure!
harmony: i wanna be there early. 7 clock.
me: okay yeah sure
i dont think my grumma new it was my bday. or she did, and she doesnt care. LOL.
so i went to my barbershop, and i didn’t see his car there. im thinkin “FUCK. is he on vacation?” so im walkin up to his door and i see a sign. could it finally be? for years i was waiting for his shop to go out of business cause i feel like im the only one there. so there was a lengthy note, and it was all in korean.
i had NO idea what it said, but i was later told by my personal translator that this motherfucker moved to d.c. GAHHHT damn it. i dont know for yall, but i’ve only had 3 barbers in my life. its a big deal for me. and i was in a rush so i had to get a haircut. i called my mom and she told me to go to her beauty salon, a church lady.
im thinkin FUCK this is gonna be priCey for a haircut that i could get tommy to cut with crayola scissors. time to go to the atm.
At the ATM.
one large black lady was at the atm, bookbag and 7-11 soda on the ground. i was the only other one there. tHe lady is standing there for a good 8 minutes pRessing all these buttons. and i was in such a rush. of course this would happen. I MEAN IF IT SAYS YOU AINT GOT NO MONEY, IT OBVIOUSLY MEANS YOU HAVE NO MONEY. DOING IT AGANE AND AGANE AIN’T GONNA CHANGE A DAMN THING.
and she starts yellin at the ATM.
lady: Ni**A I NEED MONEY. GIVE ME MY GAHT DAMN MONEY BITCH
i mean what the fuck are you doing? tryin to rob the atm? finally she gets her card back. BUT WAIT. THIS BITCH PUTS IT BACK IN. YOU OBVIOUSLY DO NOT HAVE ANY MONEY TO PULL OUT SO WHAT THE FUCCCK ARE YOU DOING? literally 15-20 minutes have gone by and by now there is a line behind me. and people literally have left. and she starts hitting the machine. ITS NOT A GAHD DAMN SODA MACHINE.
have some FUCKIN courtesy.
i pull out my cash, time to hit the beauty salon.
so she sits me down. she is friends with my parents.
lady: when is your older sister comin back from L.A
lady: your older sister
me: umm…im the older one.
that felt pretty good. mary eIther She thinks you look 30, or i look younger than i am.
i wanna say you look 30 cause thats funnier. HAH. jk jk. loves ya.
all in all, a good birthday. especially the end.
i got these BMF from a subsTance found In bbq sAuce.
comfy and feel good. you know what else feels good?
people showiN love.
good looks everybody and thanks for A fun birthday. even though im one of those get-my-brithday-over-with type of people, i truly do feel the love.
party tonight at my house. call wally if you wanna come.
stop by if youd like.
if u just hate me and moneymoni, das cool too.
*just as long as youre there
today is the 29th national larry day.
this is the day i slack off the most at work cause i think people will think “oh, its his bday. let him do what he wants.”
this is also the day i speed on the road like a raging lunatic because i think cops will be like “ay man, its his bday, let him do what he wants”
is that bad?
as i sit here at my desk, hungover as FUCK, i think “so here it is. 29.”
people have been sayin “getting old.” that may be true, but i think of it as a positive. would you rather have 20 good memories or 29? of course theres some shitty things to it, but for the most part i think of it as this:
i’ve had 29 years of amazing memories, meeting great people, and unforgettable experiences. you can’t put a price on a person in my life, as well as the memories weve shared. so with that being said,
i got this message from my sister.
love you all,