for the past couple weeks, i’ve been waking up to Daft Punk – Derezze (sp?). but before that, for years i’ve been waking up to bone thugs n harmony – first of the month (wake up wake up…its the first of the month). i’ve been listening to that since college, and now i’m looking for a new song. any recommendations? here is the criteria it must fit into
- can’t be a good song, that is out right now. cause i will get sick of it even quicker.
- the song can’t be like BOOM! cause i don’t want it to scare the shit out of me.
- can’t be one of my own favorite songs, cause that would put a mental negative stamp on it. i would associate that song to “waking up”, which would put me in a state of stress.
- can’t be a song i hate. i don’t want to be unhappy when i first wake up in the morning. plus i don’t want to throw my phone.
im giong ot get u reallly drunk this yr
im noramlly more drunk than u on bday..soo this yr we will chagne that
reminds me of a somewhat faint, distant memory:
about 4? 5? years ago, went to a club to celebrate my birthday. i believe it was…home? aka ultra bar? anyways people were feeding me shot after shot after shot. it was fuckin gross. well into the night, i went outside to smoke a cigarette with tommy, bobby, and a couple others.
bobby: i’m next in line for that shot
me: no man i can’t take anymore
bobby: quit bein a bitch, you can’t go no where.
me: like hell i can!
BAM. i ran. i ran as fast as i could in my goodoo’s. one thought and one thought only “if they can’t catch me, i can’t drink.” i was just kinda gingerly jogging, until i heard footsteps and heard “YOU FUCKER.” for most people, they woulda just let me go, cause eventually i would have to come back. but not bobby. thats when i realized shit he’s actually chasing me. so i put my shit into gear and started sprinting. HARDCORE. block after block. at one point i was on the corner of one block, while bobby was on the other. we were both gasping for breath.
bobby (*panting): stop…seriously….stop come on lets….go…back
BAM AGAIN. i took off.
bobby: YOU FUCKER
this guy doesn’t fuckin quit. in my mind i was thinking just leave me alone! i was getting gassed, and this guy was catching up. uh oh! years of lacrosse vs years of comics, SBS musicbank, and online 56k modem video gaming. this is making sense. i feel something tugging on my shirt, and….i’m…gooiiinn…down. and i just decked the f*ck out. it was unintentional on bobby, but our drunken momentums got the best of us.
bobby (panting): you fucker…you….just…made..us…run…for…no….reason….are you okay
me: yeah yeah…okay…you caught me….lets…go back.
and we did walk back.
and i then i blacked out.
then i unblacked out at anaggol. or..was that the year after? i dont remember nemore.
k i love you bye
i bought the HTC thunderbolt. this phone is awesome, but the battery power is lacking. like imagine, the most AWESOMEST MAN in the world. partying and doing crazy shit. hes surrounded by gorgeous girls, has tons of money, loyal to his friends, great sense of humor, and snorts pounds of blow for breakfast. but then he dies at the ripe age of 20. that is like my phone. my phone OD’s on coke, and dies after about 4 hours. so to the pending phone purchasers out there, just letting you know, its a great phone, when it has power. lets rate this bad boy
screen size – 4/10 (too big for my taste, but people love it)
weight – 4/10 its heavy as fuck. i bet if i threw it at someone they could easily get a concussion. if i had a phone fight with somebody i would win. unless they had the zack morris phone
function – 9/10. smoove, fast, doens’t freeze
ease of use – 9/10
battery life – what life? 1/10
on saturday, JJL went to k street at last minute. out of my billion years of clubbing, i’ve never lost anything going out other than my dignity and memory. this past weekend, ruined my streak. i lost my credit card. i wasn’t even that drunk. i blew a .11 on the breathalyzer. okay maybe i was lil drunker than i thought. when i got back home, i took a couple more shots to call it a night. at approximately 4:15 AM, tommy went to poop, and i went to my room to go to sleep. did my night end there? no. i wanted to scare the fat out of tommy.
-at approximately 4:16 AM, i hid in his walk-closet, in “jump out ready” mode. giggling to myself thinking “this is gonna be AWESOME”
-at approximately 4:20 AM, i went in to “okay he’s taking his time, probably washing up so ima just sit here and wait” mode
-at approximately 4:25 AM, tommy is yelling and shaking me awake. i fell asleep in his closet
apparently my plan did work though. cause when he saw me from the corner of his eye he freaked the fuck out. it just didn’t work out the way i was i hoped for.
it was a great food weekend for me. i dont usually write about the food i ate, but shiet.
-chinese take out
k i love you bye
due to an alarming response in twitter (2, deb and mon), i have decided to get a new phone.
me: k ima go get it. goin to fair oaks. be back later
tommy: go to the one off 29, its closer.
and so i did. i was driving, and it was raining. not too hard, but a good amount. i rolled up to the parking lot, and there was a couple verizon employees standing out in front, with umbrellas. i thought “oh thats really nice of them.” i parked my car, and as i proceeded to get out, one of the employees quickly ran up to me. i thought “shit, this service is really nice.” so i got out, and ran under the dude’s umbrella.
the dude jumped back and gave me the “what the fuck” look. and looked at me awkwardly, and after he realized i was trying to get under his umbrella, he kinda put it over me. turns out he wasn’t walking me to the door at all.he was just telling me “activating services are down, so we’re closing.”
that was really embarassing. even worse it was a pretty small umbrella. i invaded his personal space like a crazy fuck.
this is naruto.
and he is fucking cool. the only anime i watch. last wednesday, bobby, roy, tommy and i went to a party. a byob party in maryland. they asked what i did that day, and i said “….caught up on some naruto….”. those bastards. i knew what was coming next. they have this reoccurring prank where they wikipedia naruto to act like they know what they’re talking about. they read a couple sentences about some characters, and make up the rest, and have a discussion so i would flip a shit on them.
bobby: dude did you see naruto kill jiraya?
me: he did not kil—stop it…..
roy: team 8, is better than team 7.
bobby: totally true, totally true. but ooruchimaru is THE absolute strongest.
roy: did you see the part when sasuke killed dumbledore? OH MAN
me: STOP IT YOU ASSHOLES
this is when i flip a nerdy shit, and start explaining all the wrong points in their arguments. and make me sound like a total nerd and they laugh. its aggravating dealing with imbeciles.
k i love you bye
we were well on our way to nyc on friday, so we had no way to watch any of the NCAA tournament. OR did we? chan hooked up his phone to the auxillary audio of my car. put his phone on top of my A/C knobs, and watched a live stream on his iphone. the shit you can do with technology these days right? i bet you’re thinking “isn’t that a little dangerous? shouldn’t you be watching the road?” BUT, we were in traffic. so we’re watching, we’re screaming, cause it was a crazy close game. and we won! which was great. and whats even better? traffic is moving once again. 10 minutes later, we pass by an airport.
chan: wow never noticed an airport on this road before
me: haha yeah me neither.
5 minutes later
me: oh man theres a school on the side too?
chan: yeah i’ve never seen that.
me: wait. wait a fuckin minute.
turns out, while watching the game, we completely forgot to jump onto the jersey turnpike. this caused a 3.5-4 hour drive to nyc to become a 6 hr (due to traffic) drive.
on friday, i got really, really drunk. what else is knew right? i slightly remember eating, but i do remember one thing. rice came in pots with lids on it. tommy peaked opened the lid to see what it was cause he was curious. jiaemonster yells “WHAT THE FUCK TOMMY CLOSE THE LID YOU”RE LETTING THE STEAM OUT” LOLOL. never knew she was so passionate about rice-steam. tommy quickly put the lid back and sat quietly. the air got crisp and awkward. it was so funny. but the next thing i know, i’m awake in jiae’s room, and my tongue is stuck to the roof of my mouth. thats how dehydrated i was.
the next day, before i went out again, i experienced something. i don’t think many people have experienced it before. i call it being reverse drunk. julia was in the bathroom fixing her hair.
julia: hows it look?
me: looks great. now get out. i have to throw up.
which i did. but i guess that triggered the leftover alcohol to come back into my system, cause i could feel that warm buzzin sensation again. my racoon eyes came back slightly. a couple hours later i took a shot of sake and it went away. so weird, and thats how drunk i got.
LOL jiae’s friends asked her..
“whats with your friend john? does he have tourettes or something?
No, he does not. he’s just a jackass.
k i love you bye
lets start with the drive home. i was driving back, and ben and julia were passed out. its okay, i told them to sleep. i find it peaceful and i like it like that. i’m drivin, BAM. traffic. traffic up the ASS. all to get through this toll. so the sun is beaming in my eye, forcing me to keep my eyes closed. not moving at all… and i fall asleep at the wheel for about 40 seconds. woke up and thought “shit, im so tired.” so finally i’m moving up and up in the toll line. to the left are some jackass cars, who drove through the EZ pass line, trying to merge in after cutting everybody in line. i hate those jackasses the most, but i do it all the time too. theres a car in front of me, hasn’t moved one bit for about 10 minutes. and i thought to myself. “i didn’t go to church today. might as well do something nice.” so i let her in. didn’t wave thanks or nothin. then thought “bitch.” i go up to pay my $4 toll.
toll lady: um you don’t need to pay.
toll lady: the lady in front of you paid. told me to tell you “thanks”
i sped up, gave her the “thank you so much” wave, she smiled and waved back. that totally made my day. its amazing how a simple sincere gesture from that lady totally woke me up and made this grueling 4 hour drive worth while. last night john hur called me a “bitch” for not being drunk at 8:30. i felt resentment towards mankind. this lady helped me believe in humanity again. LOL jk. but seriously, what a nice lady.
on this hungover nyc sunday, my friends and i went to columbus circle to hang out. and as usual, we made the moment interesting with a lot of pictures. it was fun. but what was more fun? johnhur aka hutch aka t-hur-etto and i went around asking people to take pictures of us, doing awkward poses. they had some pretty “wtf” expressions. and…now i present to you, the pictures.
last night, i went to circle, a club in nyc. and i was jus doin my thang, until i looked up and saw something. i thought to myself…what the hell is that? then i thought “oh my gahd. i know i’m drunk but i can’t be THAT drunk. someone mustve laced my beer with cocaine.” cause i couldn’t believe what i just saw.
yeah. WHAT THE FUCK.
after a while, i got bored and i had 2 options. option A: go with ben and joan. option B: go home, since i’m pretty wasted at this point. so i left solo. all my friends already split up, so it was just me and the city. its freezing and i have no jacket. its about 330am. i was heading towards back the apartment until i thought, “shit. i really want gray’s papaya right now” its a hotdog/papaya drink hole in the wall place. its really not that great, but i was just craving it. i looked it up on my shitty ass phone. looked around, BAM. one about 4-5 blocks away. can’t be too far. one block later, my phone is dying. dying hard. so i had to make a quick, executive decision. i probably have one phone call left in this sucker, so i better turn the phone off before it completely runs out of juice. so its off. i dont know where the hell i am, or where the fuck gray’s papaya is. so i walk around asking people. i look like a drunk whacko lookin for crack. i was a drunk whacko, lookin for wieners and papaya drink.
me (shivering): e…xcuse..e… meh-eheheh…dooo yyouyouyou know whereere graaahays paapapapapaaya is?
guy: no man.
repeat that about 3 times…and my questions kinda turned into “excuse me, do you know where i am right now”
then something weird happened. i’m on the streets lookin around for this hot dog. a fat, black, ho-like girl approaches me. smiling.
ho: haaaaaaay baby how yo’ balls doin?
promise to gahd. no bullshit. and then she tried to put her hand on my shoulder. i jumped back with the quickness. oh hell naw i dont know what you’ve touched today but you definitely aint touchin me. my gahd, this is a hooker.
me: they’re fine thank you.
i was just about to walk away…until i just shrugged and thought “fuck it, might ask well ask.”
me: um..do you know where grey’s papaya is?
ho: naw honey.
SHIT. its only been like 20 minutes, but i feel like its been an hour. i saw a group of flamboyant homosexuals. they seemed approachable. so i asked.
gay guy 1:umm….
gay guy 2: yeah its close by. just follow us and we’ll show you where.
me: thanks guys.
we walked a couple blocks, no gay things happened, and then they pointed me the way. with their finger of course. so here i go again. NOW i realize i’m in times square again. WHAT THE FUCK! and theres a LOT of loud black guys. i’m not racist, but i was a little shook cause who knows what could happen. then i realized, they just got out of a gospel thing. at 330 am? weird. but should be harmless, and i just walked right on by.
now i’m in a dark block. no gray’s papaya in sight. i saw a hotel and asked the desk guy. told me right around the block. so i went again. and finally….TADA!!!!!!!!! HOT DOGS AND PAPAYA DRINK. but wait. somethings not right…i looked up…
WHAT THE FUCK. not a gray’s papaya, but papaya dog. i got hosed. but whatever, shit. i’ll take it.
me: can i get 3 hot dogs and a papaya drink? wait. do you guys take cards?
papaya guy: no.
me: FUUUUUUUCK. wait. i got cash. $5 enough?
papaya guy: naw. 2 dogs, and drink.
me: shit i’ll take that.
shows the quality of food this place has. and here was my victory lap.
i walked back, got to the apartment with ease. shook the door handle, but FUCK. its locked! took my phone out, turned it on, and made my final call. and i thought to myself “oh man. this is probably the only call i can make to jiae. if she doesn’t pick up, then ima have to start knocking on the door, and jiae’s gonna wake up all angry as shit.” but she picked up, and it all worked out fine.
and that, was my saturday night.
can’t write my whole 4 day here.i’ve been drinking since tuesday, so ima call it a night.
back to reality. FUCK.
anyways, thanks to jiae and julie for the hospitality. nyc is always fun.
k i love you bye
hey are you at work?
CAUSE IM NOT
im in my room. in my boxers. ready to go to march madness tournament.
i’m drinkin 5/7 days this week. gross.
as saint pattys day, i toast, to em saints. one of the best movies of all time.
k i love you bye
cleezy sent me a link yesterday, and it had some alarming, surprising facts. it was an article by an annoyed lady called “where have all the good men” gone?
here is the link. here is my take on this article.
here are somethings that came to mind upon reading this article. not valid arguments, just thoughts. thoughts that probably support her true underlying message, but eh i dont care.
-i might be a statistic, but you are a gay.
-girls complain a lot, this is proof of it.
-this girl was pmsing, decided to take it a step further and do some research on it.
-guys have a lot of stuff to say about girls too, we just choose to let it go.
-i bet single girls agreed to every word to this. the taken…not so much.
-i still trust a guy’s driving over a girls. more guy drivers are needed.
-dave chappelle, an african-american comedian, once said
this is the TRUTH. listen to what he says at the 1:45 mark lol.
things she said that bothered me.
-”They watched movies with overgrown boy actors like Steve Carell, Luke and Owen Wilson, Jim Carrey, Adam Sandler, Will Farrell and Seth Rogen, cheering their awesome car crashes, fart jokes, breast and crotch shots, beer pong competitions and other frat-boy pranks.”
those are some of my favorite actors. girls laugh hysterically at these movies too. if you don’t find any of those actors funny, you need to get your ass a sense of humor. and so what? girls and johnhur watch overly dramatacized romantic comedies. girls+tommy cheer on heavy-rain embracing kisses.
WHEN DOES THAT EVER HAPPEN? if i EVER tried that, a girl would be like bitch please. get me an umbrella.
“Single men have never been civilization’s most responsible actors; they continue to be more troubled and less successful than men who deliberately choose to become husbands and fathers. “
“They might as well just have another beer.”
-you are the reason why we drink. so, with that being said, don’t mind if i do.
oh, and one more thing
-nba > wnba.
“but mr. glassictimes man, these aren’t valid arguments.” like i said earlier, not valid arguments, just thoughts.
k i love you bye
this weekend was nothing short of nice. the weather, the company, the food, the ahhhhlcohol, the literature, and the music. all qualities that sum up a great weekend. on thursday i got the package that i ordered. WHATS IN THE BOX?
-superman: earth one (graphic novel)
-superman: the last son (graphic novel)
thats right boys and girls. we got ourselves a breathalyzer. a normal group of friends would say “great, now we can see if we’re okay to drive.” however, my group is far from normal. we say “great, now we can score the level of drunkeness”. the point of a breathalyzer is to keep yourself under the limit. our goal was to “exceed its limitations”. (but drivers kept it cool, dont worry)…and let the games begin! oh and the comi-ahem*-graphic novels? they were rated 4/5 stars on amazon. how do you NOT get it? finished it, and it was great. bobby looked at the cover, looked at me and gave me the “why dont you go outside and play sports?” look. GFY bobby.
me, tommy, bobby, white-fang and larry-beck went to go get froyo and coffee. nice day out, gotta soak up the sun before va gets all “humidee” agane. had some guy talk and parted ways. now, its dinner time. time to get ready. i put my bow tie on, and looked completely fabulous. went to dc to get some fine dining done with the happy rainbow factory. after dinner, my friend and i hit bump in our schedule. its 10 clock. too early to go hit up the nightlife. ah well, might as well go anyways. we got there EARLY. HOW early?
-so early that the promoters weren’t even there yet.
-so early, that white people were still in line.
-so early that there were white people inside.
if you don’t go to k street you don’t get that joke. so yeah, same ol stuff happened. drinks, dancing, laughter, good times as usual. something was bothering me that night. there was another guy, wearing a bowtie. i wouldn’t really care, but this dude was also wearing the hipster glasses, doing the same dances i do, and we were in the same vicinity. if he was on the otherside, i wouldn’t care as much. but what the fuck. this hea’ is my territory son. i wear glasses cause i have to, not for a fashion statement. awkward moment of the night? we were walking by and made eye contact. he gave me “you have a bowtie” on look. i reciprocated with a “i see you are wearing one as well” look. call him my twin, hipster-larry, even archnemesis if you want. i consider him my retarded-doppelganger.
so the dougie song came on, and i did my thing. next thing i know everybody watchin me, and i HATE that. a circle has magically formed around me. i HATE that! whether its around me or around somebody else. i hate that. you know what? lets make it official.
Larrys law #30somethin – unless you are breakdancing, at a wedding, or unless mikes in the middle, circles on the dancefloor should be very limited, or not exist. but why do i hate it? once the middle guy leaves the circle, now what? just a bunch of people in a circle dancing like you’re from a retirement home, waiting for something interesting to happen. and then people its just friends encouraging other friends to go in the middle. and lets say one finally does. you dont know what to do, so you just do a weird jump spinning hand move and shit just got real. you now have, an awkward moment on your hands.
what was even weirder? retarded-doppelganger was part of the circle. i realized what had happened, and i made eye contact with him again. he gave me “you got some moves” head nod. it looked like as if he was about to give me the “lets battle” look, so i quickly turned away and ran. whether he was going to or not, there will be none of that.
waited for my friends to get out, blew a .06, good to drive, lets go. but where was julia and mel? they thought we left them. they were thinking “man we’re having a good time. we do we have to leave? this sucks.” umm… when the lights come on, people are grabbing coats, bartenders are closing up shop, the venue-ropes-are away…i THINK, its time to go home. so went home, called it a night. julia blew a .10, tommy a .12, mel won with a .16. twenty minutes later tommy blew again, and got a .14. boy his stock sure is rising. .its 4 clock. wait, no its not. its 5 oclock. tomm went to the closet goodnights.
i went to church in the morning, got a text from tommy. its 12:30 PM.
“omg i just blew a .09″
shout out to salyoubor. there.
k i love you bye
this morning, i was told on the radio that biggie died on this day, in 1997. what was i doing in 1997? i was in 8th grade, at cooper middle school. johnkang and i had the same lunch, but we didn’t sit at the same table. on fridays there were meatball subs at school and i loved that shit so much. at church julia and juliana didn’t associate themselves with jiae and regina and tina. that was pretty funny. i didn’t talk to tina cause i thought she was hot and i got nervous talking to her. but then i realized i was hotter than her. i hung out with tommy and steve. wally was known as john, and johnhur was an asshole back then too. or was i a freshman in high school? i can’t remember. damn the alcohol.
yesterday was fat tuesday. in honor of fat tuesday…
-roast beef sandwich, and a leftover bag of cheetos, and 2 hershey kisses
-roy roger’s gold rush chicken sandwich
-sheetz red velvet donut
-another sheetz red velvet donut
-chic fila 12 piece chicken nuggets
-sweet tea (refilled once)
-birthday chocolate cake. julia ate most of it tho.
now thats whatsup. being Catholic, i skip a meal today and have to give up something during lent. so i gave up sweets and fast food. lets see how i last shall we?
people always wonder how i wake up to go to church, and what i do at church. this is what we do at church. you see bits of everybody!
(2:17 – that was sweet wasnt it?)
k i love you bye
the other day, we saw a commercial for the dyson ball vacuum on tv. i heard thana has one? but whenever i see a vacuum, i think of one moment and one moment only. a few years ago, i was vacuuming my room. and no, that was not the last time i vacuumed my room. i was getting the corners and started getting all the spider webs (thats my favorite part) with the hose extension. but i always thought to myself, if i stuck this hose close to my ear, would it suck out all the ear wax? a clean ear, would mean better hearing. so of course my curiosity got the best of me. drinking has made me stupid. i slowly, cautiously put it towards my right ear. since i wasn’t feeling anything, i put it closer. and closer. and then. THUMP. you know what i’m talking about. that shit was stuck on my ear like it was sucking my brain out. i advise you, not to try this at home. i quickly pulled off the hose and all i heard was a huge ringing in my ear. and then i started freaking the fuck out cause i thought i lost my hearing. i started hitting the side of my head to maybe adjust my hearing, i started snapping next to my ear to see if i could hear it. but nope, constant ringing. and i flipped a shit. but then 10 seconds later i could start hearing again. i wasn’t 13, 17, 20, i wasn’t drunk. i was 24.
TODAY is fat tuesday. before the season of lent begins, i gotta get all the bad habits out of the way. i know thats like almost counterproductive, but heres what ima do.
- i drink a lot of soda today.
-i bought a birthday cake last night. it is not my birthday. nor any of my close friends. just felt like eating one.
-eating roy rogers for lunch
-eating chic fila for dinner
-gonna get a milkshake after lunch
in other news, heres my pic of the day. its jesikly trying to use twitter.
also, here is my favorite video from this past weekend.
k i love you bye
friday, went to clarendon ballroom. we got there early, to get drunk early. at one point i was outside with bobby socializing with the smokers. i saw two girls walking by. i looked at bobby, bobby shrugged. you knew bobby was sober, or else he woulda yelled out “AY GIRL”. since i was drunk, i did the talking.
me: do you girls wanna come after party?
girl #1: umm..where at??
me: oh. uhh…
WHY couldn’t i think of anything?!
me: uhhhh i…dont know.
girl #2: haha wat the fuck
and they walked away.
after that, sobered up, lights came on, and we all left. ATE some za, but the party don stop there. we went to NRB to meet up steve, wally, and the folks they were with. YEAH that was a bad idea. after that, met up twilight at their house. played one pathetic game of beer pong, and ate some cupcakes. YEAH, CUPCAKES. they said i ate 7, but i think i only ate 5. and next thing i know tommys shaking me “wake up time to go.” and theres a girl sleeping, sticking her tongue out at me.
on saturday tommy went to help out his parents, while me and johnhur had an adventure. went to best buy, and the mall. at the mall johnhur wanted to take pictures on the apple computer and i was like fuck that man, thats so gay. we got some pretzels, went home and watched armagedon. just two guys, crying their hearts out. it is a sad movie, and makes you wonder, how much ass do you think those guys got when they got back from space? and imagine how confident you would be?
went to k street for ashley’s bday. got drunk in the beginning, sobered quickly, especially after seeing bobby. i did not want to be like that. LOLLIPOPS. i bought lollipops from the bathroom guy and handed em out. but people kept hitting me in the face with it. I HATE STICKY. we started cheering the lollipops, but in my head i was thinking “thats kinda gross.” saliva infested lollipops touching each other? next..people started sharing lollipops. UM am i the only one that thinks thats a little gross? somebody took my lollipop and tried to put it back in my mouth. i did the HALE no look, but reluctantly took it anyway. i know what you’re thinking. this whole paragraph is full of “thats what she saids” and i assure you, there really were actual lollipops in peoples mouths. not penises. but i have no idea how else to describe it.
we came back home, and got riley and nonrobin to come over to drink a little more. but they were TAKING FOREVER. we did what guys would normally do waiting for people to come over at 3 am. we boiled some hard boiled eggs, sat in a circle, pulled out a bottle of vodka, a bottle scotch, and sang some bieber songs. with a guitar missing one string. now THAT was a highlight.
riley and nonrobin came over at 430 am, and johnhur passed out, we tied him up with a ribbon, and ate some jjapghetti. worst idea ever. drank til 630, and with my last bit of energy, i texted nonrobin2 to call me at 9 to make sure i’m up. why?
cause i had to teach. about what? about alcohol. and let me tell ya. that walk to church, was the hardest walk ever. was it cause i was tired ashamed and still intoxicated? no. its cause i had 2 packs of jjapghetti in my stomach. and that, was my weekend.
k i love you bye
so there was an old episode of entourage on last night. i love the show, and their lifestyle is every guy’s dream. almost the ideal life. theres a guy named eric on the show. he dates a girl named sloan. SLOAN IS HOT AS SHIT. then he starts dating this girl ashley, and this girl is ugly as hell. so ugly that i can’t watch it anymore. she just freaks me out. she freaked me out in “nick and norah”, and she freaks me out here. i know its purely fictional, but really. how do you go from dating a girl that looks like
and then going to someTHING that looks like
thats like saying “hey i would like to substitute the mashed potatoes with a side of broccoli.”
so i have a lil buddy, named troy. but we have a bit of a language barrier. but i know what you’re thinking. “both of you guys speak english though.” no. it aint. i speak english 2000-2007. he speaks english 2006-2011. half our conversations are lost in ebonics. so i present to you,
SHIT THAT TROY SAYS
troykiim: haha word i found this dank ass deli
what the fuck is “dank”. does that mean its good or bad?
troykiim: have you heard katy perry and kanyes song
see, thats the title of the song. but when you constantly use words and phrases that sound like a rap lyric, shit just confuses me. originally i thought it was another bogus slang word troy was using, so i had to look it up.
troykiim: sup sahn
me: like mountain?
“sahn” is translated to “mountain” in korean. i thought it was a korean/american fused slang word. like “that girls so ugly she looks neoguri”
troykiim: i see i see
troykiim: make moves
i dont even know how to respond to that.
um yeah. im itchin to go back. shall we?
k i love you bye
i was listening to lil mam’as – a milli freestyle rap. i hate it when girls rap. the only female rapper i like is tasha from uptown (90s kpop ftw). and i liked that one foxxy brown song. what else is a pet peeve of mine when it comes to girls?
this is just my preference
-when they don’t have a sense of style. i don’t consider myself a fashionisto, but even when III think “wow you should not be wearing that girlfriend”. that is a pet peeve of mine.
-when girls talk gangsta/ghetto. i can understand if you were born and raised (5+ years) from the projects, but even so. learn to speak english. especially if you live in fairfax county. ESPECIALLY if your a grown ass woman. drop the gangsta routine, you aint impressin nobody honay.
i mean are you from
-when girls have no personality. i rather talk to a 3(1-10, 1 being ugly, 10 being hot) girl with a good personality than a 6 girl with no personality. biggest waste. i would even rather talk to a girl with an annoying personality than a girl with none. at least i can make fun of you and not feel bad about it. but if you’re really hot, thats an exception. cause hot girls can get away with everything.
-drama queens. no explanation needed. most girls think they’ve dropped the drama act since college, but nope. not true at all.
-when girls are too into their careers. i like girls that are independent, work hard, and have a strong focus on their future. but when like, thats ALL you talk about, all you bitch about, you need to chill. get some ice cream, read a page of calvin hobbes. enjoy it.
-when girls dont’ have a sense of humor.
-when a girl is really pale or really, REALLY tan.
-when girls brag, but act like they’re not. and you guys think we’re stupid, and that we dont know you’re bragging.
girl: i’m so mad
girl: cause all these guys kept coming up to me asking me for my number
me: aha yea….GFY.
-when the hairs all fucked up. if a girls hair looks like uncooked ramen noodles you got issues. which leads to
-GIRLS WHO HAVE THE BANGS. THE STRAIGHT BANGS. I. ABSOLUTELY. HATE THAT. MIKE HATES IT TOO. PLEASE DONT DO IT.
-when they have absolutely NO rhythm. thats just my preference cause i like to choomchuh. im not sayin you need to “step up”, but if you’re dancing like julia stiles in the first club scene of “saved the last dance”, i dont like it. i’m not sean patrick thomas.
-when they pinch. that shit hurts. and they say “that didn’t hurt. don’t be such a pussy. be a man.” GFY CAUSE IT HURTS LIKE SHIT. even “macho” guys like bobby get annoyed when a girl keeps doing it. as wally once put it, “sometimes when girls pinches me, i get really close to just ending the friendship right there.”
k i love you bye