[the weekend again.]
on thursday i went to my parents house. i try to go once a week to eat, watch tv with my grumma (we usually watch batman beyond, and how i met your mother), steal my dads candy, read my comics and take a nap. and yeah, i’m 27, so what. i fell asleep in the living room, where it was dark. it was on its way becoming one of the best naps ever. 10 minutes later. conversation happened in korean.
grumma: are you sleeping?
me: eeghuwguggh.
grumma: hey! hey! are you?
me: eeugguh
grumma: are you?
me: YES.
grumma: why?
me: I. AM TIRED.
grumma: oh. okay. want me to wake you up later?
me: no. i am good.
grumma: oh okay.
she leaves the room. oh. but not before turning ON all the lights. i got frustrated like damn. got up, and went to read my comics. (calvin hobbes what up.)
grumma: your awake? i thought you were going to nap?
me: UGH.
on friday we got a lot more drunker than planned. spent a lot more money than i expected. when jason comes into the picture, we usually get shwasted. when we got home, tommy, hutch, me and handsome drunk-speaker-dialed a lot of random people/restaurants. ranging from fleming’s steakhouse to the fat kid in my youthgroup at church. at 430 am, we just screamed, cursed, left bogus messages. remember this is 430 am. we called wally. we got excited to leave a voicemail. but we mustve forgot, its wally. the owl.
*ringing *ringing
all of us giggling
wally: hey guys! whatsup
me: uh….
johnhur: fuck. this guy is wide awake.
me: uh…
wally: Ahaha oh man.
me: uh…what are you doing.
wally: just watching some funny videos AHahah oh man.
me, johnhur: dude its 430 am.
wally: yeah i know. you guys wanna play badminton tomorrow?
me: umm… no. kay. well, have fun. bye.
wally: okay bye guys!
worst, drunk dial ever.
on saturday morning, john hur asked me what i was wearing that night. i said black pants, black vest, white shirt, red tie. he said “oh, okay.” then we went to costco to eat. tommy went to play badminton with wally (wtf, yeah i know), johnhur went to take his nap, and i walked around to shop and get some samples.
asian ladies at costco are brutal savages. this ain’t no damn market on the streets of busan. jeerarl. costco @ noon is hell. i looked at the lines, and left my cart and said fuck this.
later that night, john hur runs into my room smiling. THIS MOTHERFUCKER. what was he wearing?
white shirt, red tie, black vest, black pants.
hutch: AHAHAHAHAHAH
me: DUDE WTF
hutch: AHAHAHAA
me: YOU MOTHERFUCKER
hutch: i was laughing while getting dressed.
me: dude i dont know what to wear now
hutch: just wear the same thing.
we woulda looked like valet people. it wasn’t the most original outfit, and it even wasn’t that great. but even so. people actually complimented that fucker. i shoulda jus thrown marinara sauce on him. then he woulda thrown marinara sauce on me. then tommy woulda gotten mad cause we’re wasting food.
k i love you bye
[alco]
so this is my third year teaching the youth group kids at my church. the first two years i did a lot of the teaching, but NOW? not so much. this new director hates me, and doesn’t let me do anything but lead group discussions. i guess i can’t complain too much since i’ve been partying pretty hard again, and i’m usually hungover on sunday mornings. anyways last month, i was in a meeting and he was handing out this month’s lesson plans.
MAIN LEADER: LARRY
finally, this asshole is letting me teach a class for once. hm i wonder what the topic is? could it be about my faith in high school? maybe a bible verse? i look to the right.
TOPIC: ALCOHOL
fuck. i just rolled my eyes. seriously? out of ALL the topics? oh well. i’ll make this the best class ever. so i looked at the lesson description.
“Ask an adult who struggled with drugs or alcohol and overcame it to give a witness of how their life used to be and how they turned their life around. he or she should be sure to share how faith has played a role in their healing.”
WHAT. THE HELL. this isn’t me leading a class. this is just an AA meeting. because the keyword in that sentence is “overcame”.um. i’m guessing hes never read my blog or seen my facebook pictures. not only that, my lesson is the day after ashley’s bday thing at k street. and thats like a week away and i’m already planning to be inebriated as hell. i could take the responsible route and not go out, get a good nights rest, and prepare for class. but, lets be honest here. thats just not my steelo.
it sucks cause i have more stories on why drinking is fun than not. maybe i’ll show a picture of bobby hungover. kids will be screaming “IM NEVER GOING TO DRINK! EVER!” or maybe i’ll show a bar tab at a club. OR i’ll jus show em my massive beer gut. its actually a candy/sugar gut, cause i don’t drink a lot of beer. but they won’t know the difference. they would again scream “IM NEVER GOING TO DRINK.” OR maybe i’ll go ahead and drink a LOT that night. so that morning i’ll wake up, and have the feeling of “i’ll never drink again”. julia is shaking her head. that is a HORRIBLE idea larry. i know, i know i’m kidding.
anyways, happy friday yall.
k i love you bye
[boredom?]
do you ever wonder how they make babies cry in movies and tv shows? like if filiming has to be quick, and theres a baby in the scene, and its not crying naturally…do they…hit the baby? just. something to think about.
k i love you bye
[the drunk tells]
so in one of the pics from the entry below, you saw a trashcan tipped over. i slightly remember what happened. my memory from that night is hazy as shit, but i remember this. cleezy, or it couldve very well been bobby. it was one of the two. they knocked it over. they stopped. looked at it. laughed and walked away. thats when you know there doneskeez. thats how you know.
but how do you know when other people are drunk? aha…well reader, this is how you know.
cleezy - when i start to make better decisions than him. when i am the responsible one. i become the adult. “cleezy don’t jump on the neighbors trampoline. its a bad idea.” 15 minutes later. cleezy is sweaty. he jumped on the trampolline.
bobby – takes his shirt off, constantly flexes. when he takes his beater off too, thats game over. oh also when girls start crying around him.
john hur – biting on thumb.
mike – has THE eyes
julia - dances, gets really giddy.
me - turn red and i wander aimlessly. and my body moves like jello.
tommy – curses, and gets easily persuadable.
jiae – that flower you’re holding starts to blacken and wither. the air suddenly gets cold. you can hear babies crying. the sun is covered by dark clouds. your spine is tingly. her eyes turn black. that smile goes upside down. what you see there is not the jiae you once knew. it is the monster. and shes gonna bite your fucking head off.
thana – picks up people and tends to drop them. argues about ac milan or inter milan or whatever the crap you like.
steve – omg i’m so drunk. and gets 1000 louder
jenny - peaces everywhere, and her ass goes into circular motions, bites people, and starts grabbing my crotch. oh yeah she did.
brian - reminisces on the past
wally – gets horny as SHIT
dahari – his eyes are constantly sad his eyebrows
roy – throws upviolently
robin - when she talks, she starts to say the next word before finishing the current word. which means, one sentence is one word.
john kang- after 2004.what do you mean larry? i mean any time you see him after 2004.
david - wants to fight johnkang, and turns into a little bit of a racist
sunshine- when he is the opposite of sun.
chris lee - its a pretty hard tell, but somethin about him.
juliana – looks like she has the flu
dang - says “Whooooooo” a lot
charlie - tries to open doors that are locked, where girls are trying to sleep. sorry chaw, had to do it.
sage - shoves you into a girl. the girl looks at you at disgust. you try to point to sage, but he’s gone. and now she hates you.
hanna c - face gets red, enjoys life for 5 minutes, and then shes out. for the count.
hannah kim - gets carried out
dahari – kinda looks like he might have to poop.
troy - says outrageous things about beating me in video games
sara – i’ll ask “are you drunk.” she’ll respond with “what do you think? you’re drunk”
tina – laughs, and then looks HURT. BUT YOU DONT READ THIS
grace - someone opened a bottle of alcohol around her.
jason - gets into arguments with the world.
k i love you bye
[challenge accepted]
this weekend was our annual winter trip. and shit got real. real drunk. a house full of drunken misfits. sad to say, this is what i call home. before we went, bobby started packing his car. i looked at the carrier thing on his car.
me: man what would you give me if i rode in that the whole way there
bobby: you can’t even fit in that shit.
WHAT. UP.
so the first night, we went a little crazy.
-we settled real quick and got to work. everybody was already drunk so its time to play catch up. bobby went to the beer pong table, i went to work to flip cup, kings and etc. 1 hour later i see bobby. this guy is drunk as shiet.
-to make it more fun, cleezy spiked every drink of bobbys with liqour.
-i see bobby again. he’s rubbing his head. he jumped up, and hit his head on the low ledge of the ceiling.
-wally and i start taking shots, without chasers. first one to take a chaser has to take another shot. gross game.
-drinking games galore. dont really remember what happens next…but its now 4am and a lot of ppl went to sleep. except for the destructioners, me, cleezy bobby wally ddang and q.
-the destructioners are drinking and making pizza and ramen. pizza aint cooking fast enough, so we kill time. by throwing water everywhere including the ceiling. and screaming for no reason.
-5 seconds later, we’re sitting in the kitchen. it is now raining from the ceiling.
-we scream and throw water around again.
-cleezy falls out of his chair. i have no idea how.
-cleezy and bobby get in a chair fight with each other.
-i make fun of bobby and cleezy.
-they shake a bottle of sprite, chase after me.
this happens.
-AHAHA i act mad, and walk up stairs. they believe me.
-then i yell “AHAAH YOU DUMB FUCKERS” and they chase after me upstairs. lock myself in the room. instead, they open the bottle of sprite on ddang instead in the bathroom.
and we gave absolutely no regard to anybody else in the house. we’re on the second floor balcony, looking down. about 15-20 ft, to the couch. with a chandelier in the middle. the girls were in the next room sleeping.
me: you think i can land on the couch from here?
bobby: you can’t do it.
cleezy, wally: do it!
me: should i?
bobby: fucking sissy.
cleezy, wally: do it. omg do it. yes you can. do it.
me: and you can? i would like to see you try bitch
cleezy, wally: do it. do it do it do it
cleezy: i’ll give you 10% of my salary this year
bobby: FUCK yeah i can. you know what?! CHALLENGE. ACCEPTED BITCH.
bobby goes over the rail.
me, cleezy, wally: do it! go!
bobby climbs over the rail. OH MAN its going to happen. so while this is going on, tara is trying to sleep. but i guess, when we started making challenges on jumping off the balcony, i guess she shook her head and was like “these fucking idiots.” she had to be the voice of reason. tara opens the door.
tara: DON”T do it. you guys are being really stupid. you’re going to seriosuly injure yourself, and plus theres a chandelier in the way. bobby don’t do it.
pizzas done!
we trashed the place and just went to sleep.
and thats only 20% of the damage that was done.
click on the picture of bobby.
that is the face of a hangover.
[the stalker]
last easter, we were at church. it was a very joyous occasion. nice day, pretty hungover, but all in all it was a nice day. so after mass, we’re just chilling. i’m talking to steve, until a girl approaches. very odd looking.
girl: oh hi steve!
steve: BITCH I TOLD YOU. GET. THE. FUCK. AWAY. FROM ME!
me: dude what the fuck man. we’re in church. plus theres no reason to kirk out on a girl like that.
steve: THAT WAS MY STALKER!
me: oh. my. gahd.
ah. the stalker. for years, i heard stories about this girl. how she tormented steve throughout the latter part of his high school days, all through college, and now. for years, she emailed him. called his house. wrote him letters. so whats the deal?
here is a very, short version of the stalker girl. we should all sit around a campfire and have steve tell it. i’ll provide the marshmallows, stalker cookies, and mashed potatoes. (whats with the mashed potatoes? mashed potatoes would be perfect campfire food, its just nobody has tried it yet). anyways, it all began his sophomore year in high school, while steve was waiting for his mom at church. an ugly girl approached him, and he talked to her. not much after that. a week later, his brother comes home says this ugly girl gave him something to give to steve. it was a floppy hard disk, piece of paper with her address and directions to her house, and a Shakespeare book written in Korean. Naturally he threw the address and the book away. but check the floppy. it had her life story on it. he told wally about it and they share a good laugh. on christmas, she handed him a christmas card. did it have a gift card in it? no. did it have cash in it no. what it had, was love. crazy, stalker love. a series of other shit happens, and now its college. here comes to emails. then comes the instant messages, in which he didn’t respond. she has hour long conversations with him, when he’s not answering, at all. he switches emails.
then three years ago, on one hungover sunday, he didn’t go to church. the stalker girl approaches his youngest brother, peter, and asks for steve’s number. and of course being young and stupid, he gives it to her. EXCEPT, that it was the wrong number. Double idiot on peter. she tries to call as soon as she got the number, but its not right. so duh, as a stalker, you go to the next available option. its in the stalker handbook. you approach the mom. she asks his mom for the number, and his mom gives it to her thinking its something important.
so here comes to phone calls. she says crazy shit like, and i quote, “I used to be at some place where they watched me all the time, but im not there anymore so im happy. can I call you my boyfriend? Youre my boyfriend now” “why aren’t you answering your phone? PICK UP YOUR PHONE! Ill be waiting”. AHAHAHA WTF. LOL STEVE.(apparently, steve does not find it funny) so its about 10 phone calls a day. the freakiest part? The massive phone/voicemail bombs. she goes crazy psycho in one message “fine I don’t care have a good life” to a remorseful “im sorry I didn’t mean that.” OH then here comes the kicker. She says in a voicemail that she took a bus, took the metro and walked 15min to see him. lets all just assume stalker was at his house. LOL (apparently, steve does not find it funny)
so she starts harassing basically his whole family to get to steve. his mom tells her to go the fuck away. so steve’s mom calls stalkers mom. at first, the mom is very sorry and apologetic. but after a while, the “im sorrys” have turned into “what am i supposed to do? lock her in her room? i told her to stop.” so steve eventually calls cops, they say theres not much they can really do.
so, steve is fucked. so we’ve heard the legend, but for a long time, we never seen it actually happen. until sooner or later, one by one, our friends witnessed…the stalker. oh larry, you’re over exaggerating. i kid you not folks, this shit is real. and its not like a hot stalker from the movies. for years i’ve gave advice to steve as in “why dont you just get a nice watch from your stalker? or at least have some of the sex and get it out of your system?” his answer? “FUCK NO. TRUST ME. FUCK. NO.” and now, i finally saw why.
what i witnessed, was fucking creepy. steve told her off. but she kept following him around church. not like directly, but from the corner of your eye, you can see her watching us. watching his every move. steve talked to a church youth group kid. 30 minutes later, the kid came up to us.
kid: um…that girl said she’s your girlfriend. and asked me if i knew your phone number…
steve: DONT TALK TO THAT BITCH.
next thing you know, people are coming up to us left and right, including his brother. we basically run away to a spot. i’m watching from a distance cause i am so, legitimately scared of her. she was walking by steve, covering her face with a folder. right when she got around steve, she dropped the folder. and said hi. CRAZY.
recently, i saw a pic of her. i showed mike, cause he wanted to see who it was.
“which one is she?”
GEE. MIKE. WHO DO YOU THINK?!
so if steve ever goes missing, you know why.
k i love you bye.
[the vday special]
happy valentines day folks. i could spend this entry on bitching about how relationships are stupid etc etc. but i will not. instead, i will talk to you about the weekend as i normally do on mondays.
friday, i went to modern with the happy rainbow factory. it was pretty boring, so we decided to head out and go NRB instead. lets take a few steps back. last week i started practicing my english accent. i’ve been reading about common words, gestures, and watched a lot, and i mean a lot of jude law interviews on youtube. i spent the days at work mumbling jude law quotes. anyways i told tommy that night “i’ma talk to random girls with my accent.” tommy replied “not going to work. your accent is horrible.” CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. so here we are. a couple drinks in, and this place sucks, lets go sing at karoake instead. we’re on our way out. as we walk to our cars, we passed two girls smoking. 10 steps later…
me: wait.
wally: ??
me: going to try something.
wally and i approach the girls very casually. tommy julia and hurzor are watching us from afar. they looked at me. here goes nothin. i’ll start off with a quick convo first.
me (BRITISH ACCENT: ON): excuse me, you got a ciggarette i can bum off?
girls: ……
girl 1: wait…is that…a fake accent?
girl 2: um….where are you from?
me (BRITISH ACCENT: OFF): uhhhhhhh
girl 1: WAIT…THAT WAS A FAKE ACCENT!
me: UHHHHH
me (BRITISH ACCENT: STUCK IN A WEIRD ON/OFF POSITION): SHIT. I”M JUST KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDING!
and i ran away while wally, stood there, laughing his ass off while. in wallys words, “the best part was how he ran away.” my arms went up and flailing like i saw a ghost.
i guess i need more practice. afterwards, met up with the kstreet girls and sang our hearts out. it ended with two horrible renditions of 2pac songs, and time to go home. next time debs (if you read this), you go solo.
SATURDAY: let the wally extravagenza resume. went to ara, which is his birthplace. got drunker than hell. it was closing time, but the nights not ending just yet. wally had the eyes. anyways, hutchskeez and a couple others leave to go to k street, but we stay. so i bought him another shot, to make those eyes even crazier. and we’re just standing in the hallway talking.
wally: oh man
me: yo
wally: any girl you want
me: what??
wally: any girl you want to talk to, i’ll get her for you.
me: huh? HAHA what are you talk—-
wally: HI MY NAME IS WALLY NICE TO MEET YOU
this girl was MADD cute.
girl: whoa. hhaha hi, my name is rebecca.
wally: oh man you are drunk.
girl: no, i think you are though.
wally: have you met larry?
larry: hi rebecca, nice to meet you too.
and so we was talkin, steve comes in, talks to her, while i just get wasted. wally has already moved on to i dont know what. we get her and her friends to go nrb, and we go completely ape shit. one of the rebbeca’s friends knew who i was. brushed my shoulders off on that one. she said your that guy that goes to stpaulchung (my church). i put the dirt back on my shoulder. i thought it was going to be from “being so cool” or “glassictimes.com” or something awesome. anyways, by the end of the night, all the guys try to hook tommy up with rebecca. and all her friends basically trying to do the exact opposite. it was like fucking war, but friendly war. so we’re about to leave, and we’re trying to get the girls numbers.
steve pulls out a piece of paper. and tells one of the girls to write rebecca’s number on it so he can give it to tommy. why he didn’t just hand her his phone, i have no idea. we’re not in 1994 anymore.
i give my phone to other friend, so she could put in her number. but instead of putting her number in the phone, she goes through my phone. like i’m fuckin james bond or something.
girl: umm…johnhur is calling.
me: what?
girl: it says johnhur is calling.
i pressed ignore. sorry hutch, but you gotta let us help tommy first.
girl: haha
me: yeah so just put your number in.
girl: he’s calling again.
me: WHAT THE FUCK.
so i answered.
me: yo whattp?
johnhur: im locked outside your apt, i thought i had the key but i dont. im so…cold. hurrrry hurrry
i could smell the alcohol through this phone. he was wasted as shit.
me: k we’re coming bye.
back to the girl.
me: put your number in.
girl: hah ummm
me: what?
girl: your friend is calling again.
i pick up.
me: WHAT MAN
johnhur: im locked outside your apt, i thought i had the key but i dont. im so…cold. hurrrry hurrry
me: OKAY MAN WE’RE COMING!
back to the girl.
me: sorry. put your number in.
girl: hah ummm
me: what?
girl: your friend is calling again.
i pick up.
me: WHAT MAN
johnhur: im locked outside your apt, i thought i had the key but i dont. im so…cold. hurrrry hurrry
repeat that about a dozen times. and i say FUCK it, we gotta go. he’s gonna pass out in a parking spot and someones gonna park over his drunkass. and i yell at the guys to go, and then we get in an argument on how hard we tried to pull for tommy. and then applaud wally for being the best wingman ever. it was an awesome night, and all thanks to the number one wingman wally. and what did his drunk ass say?
wally: what the fuck? howd you even meet those girls
sigh.
and in the spirit of valentines day, for all you single folk out there, heres a tip: grab a spoon yall.
and remember, love does exist. somewhere. and its called TELEVISION.
k i love you bye
[the best]
while i was in boston, i was at a bar and a lot of people were talking about the best meatball sub in town. i am a big fan of meatball subs. so i found the place they were talking about, and went to it on my last night. i walked, since it was about a mile. and man, i walked through some shady ghetto areas. then i walked to a somewhat friendly, kinda eerie area of the city. and there it was. i completely forgot the name, but something that started with an A. anyways, it turned out to be more like a bar, dive kinda joint which i like. i looked to the left, looked to the right. theres a lot of guys in here. and like really friendly guys. and BAM it hit me. i think i’m at a gay bar. or its just gay night at the bar. i ordered my meatball sub and got the hell out. no problem with gays, but just a very awkward moment for me. how was the sandwich? it was glorious, but it wasn’t the best. what is the best?
hmm…off the top of my best
best superhero – gambit, from x men
best cookie – momofofukcckfuckukku (nyc)
best chips – miss vickie’s jalapeno chips
best candy – kit kats
best college – jmu (2000-2005)
best person who has a name that sound like a type of korean dish – jiae (jjigae)
best xanga – justcallmelp DUH
best city – nyc. la comes in a close second. sorry la, but nyc has ippudo, soup dumplings, and chicken and rice. oh and jiae. oh and you too roy.
best comedy tv – how i met your mother
best drama tv – friday night lights (the tv series. its not about football, its about life.)
best thing to eat – sandwiches (meat, veggies, carbs, variety of sauces. in one bite. what could be better)
best sandwich – pastrami sandwich, whether its from happyrainbow factory or from langer’s. the pastrami sandwich reigns supreme.
best blog – mine, duh.
best team – washington capitals. suck on that pittsburgh.
best person with the last name hur – jane hur
best white guy/girl – cleezy. (life coach) tara, you come in second for giving me a ride, and you’re the only other white person i know.
best black guy – gerald. only cause he’s still the only black guy i know.
best american chain restaurant – waffle house.
best wing man – wally kim
best buffalo wing man – tommy
best novabred rapper – me and my sister. our rendition of gangsta’s paradise. can’t be touched. sorry sick, manifest, and the rest. true hip hop resides in me.
best fast food – chic fila. what. UP.
best chain pizza – dominos
best pizza – that one place in nyc, that tommy found, that we’ll never find EVER again cause we were too drunk to remember. but the pizza was EPIC.
best dessert – birthday cake.
best person to have drunk when going out – mike kim. which leads to
best dancer – kenny wormald. runner up? mike kim. sorry jessicaly, your third.
best drinking game – flip cup
best korean restaurant in nova – cho’s garden (no idea why, i just really like it)
best driver – wally kim
best lounge – k street. and…thats the only place i go to these days so i have no other choice.
best old school series to watch – fresh prince of bel air. come on, you can’t beat that.
best froyo – red mango. with mochi and strawberry.
best rapper – lupe
best shoe brand – nike
best online clothing store – 80spurple.com
best game – madden, ragdoll blaster 2
best anime – naruto shippuden
best girl – _____ ____ you know who you are. YES you.
best guy – no thats gay
best twitter – friendswithyou
best slow song – oasis – wonderwall, runner up goo goo dolls – name (acoustic)
best book – harry potter 7
best movie – little rascals
best korean pop group – H.o.T. runner up seo taiji n boys
best promoter – doug. cause he’s the only one that doens’t bother me with facebook shat. sorry john, sick.
best clothing brand – kid robot
best reality show – record a video of johnhur sat night, watch it sunday morning. best. program. EVER.
best hair – anybodybutbobby
best holy shit! youre out?? – david kang
best drink – coca cola, 4 ice cubes.
best smoothie – blitzberry. its not even healthy. they dont even try. but its awesome.
best beer – miller lite
best bartender – theresa
best screen name on my AIM – gosh its josh (robins brother). sparkliestar is second.
best phone – iphone
best couple – brian and jen park
best cartoon – tiny toons
best commercial – bud. bud. bud. budweis. budweis. weis. err. bud. weis. er.
best holiday – christmas
best sadfacemaker – julia. (runner up robins sadface)
best to see hungover – bobby, thana
best clique of girls ’85 and older – julia sister jiae tina mel
best clique of girls who never go out – hannah and robin jihye WHATTP
best girl clique to see at k street- that group of girls we see at k street
best ice breakers – wally, steve, boby
best play (to get girl) – the pensmanship
best people to go to vegas with – bobby dahari mike WHATTP
best spot of all time – daedalus
best snack – auntie anne’s pretzel
best cold food catergory – dippin dots. hooya
best thing at 7-11 – cheeseburger
best laugh – tina
best hype man – peter chung (not sick, steves little brother)
best story teller – jason song, wally kim (tie)
best cereal – frosted flakes. runner up – pops. gotta have my pops.
best singer i know- sharon
best pro singer – mariah carey
best pop group – n sync. hands down. dont even mention the OTHERs.
best actor – johnny depp
best actress – lucille ball.
k i love you bye
[singing, smoking]
so everybody’s talking about how miss christina aguilera fucked up the national anthem during the superbowl. i didn’t catch it, but everybody else did, including beardy. he starts talking to me about it, and how funny it was.
beardy: did you see it?
me: i saw it, but didn’t catch it
beardy: man it was funny
me: how’d it go?
beardy: um….um….yeah i don’t remember how it went…
LIAR! you just didn’t want to sing it! a country boy like you would never forget the national anthem! i wanted to say “don’t be shy beardy! you don’t have to actually sing it, just say the lyrics she messed up on!” but sadly, he turned around. beardy is a little shy. its like when somebody talks to you about a new song.
guy: have you heard “i’ll make love to you” by boyz ii men?
other guy: umm.. haven’t heard of it. how does it go?
guy: ummmm…i dont know how it goes…but its pretty good
are YOU like that? i’ve been on both sides of the conversation so i know how it feels. sometimes the stranger is not ready for my soulful voice, so i prefer not to sing for him.
—————————
so i haven’t smoked for a while now. no one has noticed tho, which is good, cause theres no pressure. when i quit, i just quit. i have no, and i mean NO, desire to smoke a cigarette. even when i’m drunk as shit i don’t care for one. just all a mental game for me. but there is one thing i do miss. the conversations. do you never-smokers know the amount of quality smoking conversations that are being held outside this very moment? especially drunk smoking. thats when you meet people outside the club and can have actual conversations with them. smoking conversations get intimate, and REAL. thats one thing i miss DEARLY. why do you think it sometimes takes 20 minutes for people to smoke a cigarette? BECAUSE THE CONVERSATION IS THAT GREAT. maybe not so much in the cold, but man. its another world out there. so why not just go out there and stand for the sake of the conversation? i’ve seen it happen, and i’ve been there. its not the same. its just not the same. you throw the whole conversation off cause you don’t take that drag of the cigarette. you mess up the flow, cause your standing their waiting to talk. just doesn’t happen.
this past weekend, julia johnhur and i were having a deep conversation, while being drunk off our asses. and then they went outside for a ciggarette while i was just sitting there. i saw them laughing, and maybe even a little flirting (just kidding). but MAN they were talking about something awesome. and of course when they walk back in and we talk about what we were talking about 6 minutes ago. and then at k street, i saw a group of friends, and a group of girls going outside to smoke at the club. fuck that if i’m going to miss out another potential game changing conversation. so i went outside.
me: sup dp!
dp: whatsup man!
me: can i get a cigg?
dp: sure buddy!
lit up, and started talking to dp. looked around. there was nobody out here. i got FAKEd the FUCK out. i guess they all coincidentally went to the bathroom at the same time. WHAT THE FUCK. what a waste, what a waste. i did reconnect wit dp tho, but where did all the girls and my boys go? 10 minutes later i walk back in.
20 minutes later…
me: whered you go?
johnhur: went to smoke.
MOTHERFUCKER!
OH and i also miss giving the smoking signal in the club or bar. my friends and i have a unique sign we give to each other when we’re far away, which means “want to smoke?” i miss that. so much.but the smoking…not so much. just, the environment. being with, my people.
k i love you bye
[WHAT. IS. UP]
what a weekend. with a lot of shit that happened trying to get home, i finally arrived saturday night. you know whats weird? i hardly see anybody other than tommy during the week when i’m at home. but when i’m gone for a week and i come back for the weekend, i feel like i haven’t seen my friends in months. and i get so happy, but eveyrbody’s like “dude i never see you during the week anyways whats the big difference?” i guess thas why hutchskeez always runs into our apartment every weekend all happy as shit. next time, ima embrace him. i now know his pain (just like naruto and nagato during the pain arch)
anyways, this saturday i did something new and something old. i got wasted before going out (new) to k street(old) . since college, i’ve never been much of a pregamer, but ima start doing that again. i didn’t even save any money, but going into a club drunk is 1000x better than waiting to get drunk at the club. the only shitty part is if you’re pregaming in nova. then your ass has to drive 30 minutes to have fun. and that means you gotta piss, get pulled over, or you might just pass out in the car and you are DONE SON. if you go to a bar in dc and then switch over, there is minimal buffer time. its like when you go to a NRB (karoake) room. going in with alcohol already in your system is better than sitting there, trying to sing while working on your drinking session. so much more fun this way. but thats the alcoholic in me talking.
at k street i danced with jessicaly, and i was thinking “man i wish they played the dougie song right now”. RIGHT THEN AND THERE.
jessicaly: man i wanna dougie.
me: ME TOO
jessicaly: lets get him to play it.
so jessicaly and i gave DJ-D-Kilometers the dougie sign, (swipe your head). and so we dougied our brains out….from what i remember. then i started doing the dance “the wheelchair”. heres a tip: when you’re wasted, don’t do the wheelchair dance. cause i knocked over about 234234234 drinks. its a very expensive dance move cause you gotta buy the drinks you spill. after having a good time, i caught a ride home with tara scrub and stacy. i came home, and hutchskeez was passed out on my couch. being the nice friend that i am, i picked up a blanket.
me: hey man do you want a blanket?
johnhur: FUCK YOU FAGGOT
i put the blanket on him.
johnhur: AW tHaNk yOu~!! (thas how gay it sounded)
i got a glass of water.
me: johnhur, do you want some water?
johnhur: yEs pLeAsE~~~~~!!!
i was changing into my shorts, and boy i was pretty drunk. cause next thing i know, im on one leg, and my body is tipping to the side. BAM. that was the sound of me, crashing onto the floor.
julia: you just fell didn’t you
me: uhh…huh.
k i love you bye
[ashamed]
boston is slushy, nasty, and cold as asshole. i’m wearing a t shirt, longsleeve, fleece, and a jacket, with my ski mask around. i look like
but not as cool. everybody else in boston is dressed like
how do city people manage to dress trendy, and not get cold? is the sacrifice worth it? i think its cause i’m 99% sure i won’t ever see these people again. so health outweighs style in this sense.
anyways i’m walking around dressed like the michelin tire guy, and i just ate a nice steak dinner. my ski mask is keeping me warm as shit. but then i made the worst possible idea ever. and that was to burp. that stank just lingered, and shot right back through my nose. oh man i wanted to yak, and if i did that, that would be even more gross.
my last stop before goin into my hotel, i stopped by finale. a great dessert place. went up to the very pretty girl and placed my order.
me: can i have the…yellow cupcake, cheesecake, and….hmmm…
worker: take your time.
me: you know what, that’ll be all.
worker: okay.
me: wait can i have the tiramisu?
worker: sure thing.
at this point, i looked like a total fatty. like i’m thinking…oh man this is embarassing. it looks like i’m eating all of this myself. which is EXACTLY what i was doing. especially cause i had to think about what else to order, cause if i was getting this for a friend, i would already know what he/she wanted. anways how do i save myself from total fatty embarassment?
worker: fork?
me: i actually need three.
i walked out, feeling more embarassed. i had to ask for three forks, just so it looks like i’m sharing with my friends, when in REALITY, i’m going to be eating all three of these by myself in a hotel room watching reruns of seinfield.
k i love you bye
[last train to bahston]
so i’m in boston, and as soon as i got here, i went to eat with my fatfucker coworker. i hate him. he annoys the fuck out of me. we went to this german restaurant, widely popular etc.
he ordered a steak, and i ordered this german brat special, cause thats what the server recommended. i was starving, but finally the food arrived. i was ready to kill this shit.
waiter: enjoy your meal.
me: thank you.
mr betes: thanks.
5 seconds later.
mr betes: that schnitzel looks like a huge penis.
me: …what.
mr betes: that one looks like a penis. and that one looks like a piece of dog shit.
me: …what the fuck man.
mr betes: ahaha like dog turd ahhahaaha.
and that fatfucker just starts eating away, of course. and me? im just staring at it. my appetite…BAM. went away. part of me wanted to eat it, but the majority of me was disgusted. i mean, what the fuck. people say this shit all the time, but i never had a problem eating hot dogs or brats. no homo. but this time it actually got to me. “grow up larry” i know i know. i’m 100% sure that it just bothered me cause i already hate this fat fuck, and i want more reasons to hate him. i took a bite of one of the brats. it tasted delicious.
mr betes: how does the dog turd taste?
me: dude fuck off.
waiter stops by.
waiter: how is everything?
mr betes: oh delcious. thank you.
me: i’ll have the clam chowder and a side of cornbread.
after that, i went to newbury street to go shopping. i bought nothing.
weekend: got drunk, and started to get wasted. but since i had to drive, i stopped. stop drinking = getting tired as SHIT. so its about 3 am, and time to go home. its me, mike and chan in one car, and tommy takes the girls. thats you too johnhur TEHEHE.
me: fuckin hell chan, i’m so tired.
chan: um yeah we’re kinda drunk… do you need us to drive?
me: naw i’m good just punch me in the arm or something.
chan starts hitting me in the arm.
me: thats good keep it comin.
*SMACK
this motherfucker slaps me in the face. like it hurt like hell.
chan: oh shit, my bad. didn’t mean to slap you that hard.
me: haha sokay. job well done. im awake now.
5 minutes later
me: shit im getting sleepy again.
chan: do you want me to start hitting your arm again
me: yeah go for it.
chan starts punching me in the arm again.
me: keep it comin, its not working.
BAM. motherfucker hits me in the nuts! hurt like SHIT. i jus wanted to crash the car. never, EVER, should a guy ever resort to hitting another guy in the nuts to waking him up. its like a crucial unwritten rule. either way, it worked. i was not sleepy for the rest of the night. i think it was cause of fear.
anyways, watching jersey shore now. i thought i kicked this habit but this shit is crack.
smell you later.
k i love you bye.
