mr betes: i watched ********** the other day.
me: oh awesome. yeah i’ve been meaning to watch that.
mr betes: ******* dies.
me: what the fuck man
mr betes: ah i’m just kidding. he doesn’t die.
so i’m roaming around my conference in orlando. saw a big sign.
“WIN A TRIP TO SPAIN FOR TWO!”
awesome jawesome. chances of winning? 1/10,000.
me: hey i just entered in a “win a trip to spain for two!” if i win…would you?
me: take me and your sister to the airport?
LOL AND GUESS WHAT? i didn’t win. BUT! i did get a free pen. i was mildly dissappointed.
so i’m just walking around the convention center. staring at my feet. sad cause i know i missed out on going out with my friends in va. so i call tommy to see whatsup.
me: how was last night
tommy: AHAHAH it was so fun. HAHAHAHA
(i hear hysterical laughter in the background)
me: whats so funny?
tommy: check facebook in about 2 minutes.
checked. nothing. absolutely nothing. very dissappointed, and i went into my last meeting.
sitting there. bored as fuck. and i just snuck out my phone and looked on fb again.
i then had to clamp my mouth with my hand. my body started convulsing uncontrollably and my face turned red. my eyes were watering. i had to leave the fucking meeting.
steve has a younger brother paul. paul is cool. paul likes to take pictures of himself and post it on facebook.
like this, among others.
what did i see on facebook? why did i geek the fuck out? i saw a parody of photos, by hutch and wally.
paul was a good sport. this shit was funny as fuck.
i know its sad, but it made me miss home THAT much more.
how many days was i gone? 5. not even the two digits.
my day started off waking up with mr betes knocking on my door. the conference starts at 10. its 830. it takes 10 minutes to get there. WHAT THE FUCK. i dont even wake up for work at home at 830! one thing on his mind. and thats to eat breakfast. damn it all. so we go to mcdonalds cause he wants a big breakfast. couldn’t we have gone to waffle house instead?
that motherbugger put syrup on everything. and since we can’t sit in booths, we had to sit at the table literally next to a bunch of esse’s. like it was so close that i felt like we were eating with them. it was mad awkward. but he didn’t give a shit.
i got to the conference.
RANDOM VOICE: OY! KIMCHEE
me *thinking: fuck. i recognize this voice. could it be?
i turn around. yep its him.
me: whatsup otto
mean gene: hows it going my favorite korean
the dude gives me a hug like i was his long lost brother. on the awkward meter, i say its a 10… on a scale from 1 to 5. i literally had my arms down, he wrapped his arms around me, with hundreds people around us. i guess this is what it feels like to be my friends when they hang out with me.
real name: otto. i refer him as mean gene cause he looks like
if you haven’t read my blog before, he’s the guy who drew a huge fucking penis on my notepad at the last conference. this was the guy who showed me a baby picture of himself, which was a fake picture of a baby, with his face photoshopped in along with a giant penis. even immature for my taste ladies and gentlemen. he did offer me mangos though.
me: its going man how boutchu
mean gene: oh you know. (snickers) its been hanging
mean gene: girls be good?
me: um sure, why the hell not.
mean gene: heres a tip.
me*thinking: oh man. here it comes.
mean gene: buy her ice cream.
that was it? i think he was going to tell me something really gross again. what a relief.
me: haha i guess i’ll remember that next ti—-
mean gene: then she’ll ****** AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH (trust me people. its gross.)
me: oh…haha…i git it.
i’m starting to wonder how many times this guys been in trouble for sexual harassment. wow now that i think about it, this guy is really like todd packer from the office.
yep. definitely him.
so i’m in orlando florida for work. there are some people who like business trips. there are some people who hate business trips. i am the latter. before i left, i called my pop.
me: i’m going on the plane to florida now.
dad: mickey world?
me: no for work.
me: kay love ya pop
dad: yeah. watch out for alligators.
i rolled into the airport in orlando. not a single alligator in site. its like telling jiae to watch out for the statue of liberty. anyways, many excited families entering the city of amusement parks. a lot of other people were being greeted by their friends and families with hugs. me? i get a wave from my fat coworker drenched with sweat. and there he is. mr betes. (he came a couple days earlier for vacation. )
since i’ve been here, i’ve managed to…
-drink a lot of sweet tea.
-play mini golf…by myself. i looked like the weirdo who went to mini golf to work on his putting. i got kinda bored, and saw all these scribblings people did on the golf hole signs. so i did my own. i immortalized myself in Ali’s Mini Golf and Ice Cream in Orlando Florida, Hole 9.
and i also tagged hole #13 as
it says robin is gay.
i also met a new friend. his name was mr. lizard.
i played 16 holes. why 16? my last 16th hole, my ball fell into the lake. and that son of a bitch ali wouldn’t even give me a new one. no sympathy for the solo. so i had to leave. its like i got kicked out for being dateless to prom or something. well fugg you man! i didn’t want to finish anyway.
-today i went to dinner with mr betes and his old high school friends. 3 overweight white folks and an asian guy. talk about the oddball of the group. people were probably like why the fuck is the handsome asian guy hanging out with these guys?! how do they know each other? it would be like my grandma hanging out with michael jordan and buzz lightyear. man mr betes and his friends are gross. they are nice, but they talk about shit that even johnhur wouldn’t say! when he’s drunk! they make johnhur and johnkang look like fred flintstone and barney rubble.
-after eating a lot of shit, i tried to walk 4 miles back to the hotel. i was pretty drunk and doing damn well. until the side walk ended. its fucking 1030 pm, and i had a choice. do i dare to walk through the swampy, dark, dangerous road, with no sidewalk to my hotel? i envisioned myself getting mauled by an alligator and my dad shaking his head saying “i told you so.” theres no cabs in sight. i either walk back another 40 minutes back to the nearest bar and grab a cab, or walk 25 minutes to the hotel. after just contemplating for about 10 minutes and calling myself an idiot, i finally saw a cab and quickly grabbed it. i told the guy my situation and he told me it wouldve been better to have walked back 40 minutes. i wanted to say “is…it…cause of…alligators or crocodiles?” but i didn’t want to sound like an idiot.
This is my new ish. My new blog. I don’t really know webcode that well, but I’m probably going to be ongoing updates to make it look a little bit prettier, and cooler. But do check out my old blogs.
My history of blogs:
justcallmelp.xanga.com – From 2001, to 2008ish. Some of the best times of my life. My writing is STILL the same.
larrysglasses.blogspot.com – From 2008. Mostly work stories and a couple other stories here and there.
and now this. I did this out of pure randomness. Spontaneity is kee.
Tabs up on the top
Pictures on the right
My useless twitter on the right that no one ever reads except tommy, john hur, mike, thana, robin and occasionally aziz ansari.
If you read this you are gay.
tommy kim is a big gay loser