so as some of you may know, this girl, has been living in my room at my parents house. her name is tina. she is my mom’s friend’s cousin’s whatever the hell i dont know the relationship but case in point, she’s living at my parents house, in my room, with all my comics. shes pretty much the offspring my parents always wanted, kinda. ivy league school, fluent in english and korean, worked for google, left all that to work for the catholic church, and super religoius. shes not pretty though. and pretty nerdy. but after a while, i think my parents realized that having a super studious “perfect” kid wasn’t all that great, cause she’s boring as HELL. this is what she looks like
so shes moving back to seattle, and my mom wanted to have a goodbye dinner for her. so i walk in the restaurant, and theres a chinese dude next to tina. apparently he’s a “friend” of hers. i sit next to her, and she, for some odd reason, explains to me why the hell we’re having dinner together as a “family.” she then thanks me, for letting her use my room. which is sweet, but then she puts her hands together in praying form, and bows to me, while we’re sitting down. like how the fuck am i supposed to respond to that? bow back? anyways, the thing about tina is, she always makes me feel like shit.
“you should hang out with your gramma more.” (i do go see her, probably not as much as i should, but i do see her often. unlike my piece of shit cousins. yeah i said it)
“you shouldn’t smoke”
“you shouldn’t be late to church”
“you shouldn’t HAVE ANY FUN WHATSOEVER” (she didn’t really say that, but you get it)
im sure its not her intention because she IS somewhat nice, but i just get the feeling she doesn’t think ima good guy. like the devil’s son or something. i can honestly say that she doesn’t like me as a person.
why do i say that? so here’s the meat of the story. this is something my sister, julia, narae+ allyson/juniorgirls wouldn’t even do. and my sister has done some crazy jokes on me in the past. so we’re eating dinner and i joke around.
me: did you get to read any of my awesome comics while you were living in my room? i have the whole calvin and hobbes collection! hahaha
tina: um, aren’t you almost 30? what are you doing with those?
me: hey tina, go fuck yourself.
sike i didn’t really say that, but thats what i was thinking.
so dinner is over, and my mom and her are done lecturing about my smoking. my pop is talking to tina’s male friend. in korean. i dont think my pop got the memo that he doens’t speak korean, cause he’s freakin chinese. and suddenly…
tina: OMG i want a family picture!!
mom: okay lets!!!
pop: mmhmm sure
i hate taking pictures with my family, because it becomes an ordeal. thats another story for another time.
but anyways, fuck it i’ll just take one, get it over with so i can say bye to this girl and go home.
tina: okay let me take a photo of just you two (my parents)
she takes a photo of them.
tina: okay ima sit with them (my parents). chinese guy (iforgotherfriendsname), can you take one of us?
mom: okay larry you get in this too
me: sigh fine
tina: how about you sit this one out?
tina: i’ll take one with them first, and then you can jus jump in later
what the fuck? she literally said that. i was actually texting my sister the play-by-play cause i was so shocked. “jump in” like ima photobomb, a family picture. apparently, this “family” includes my parents, and HER. and some straggly ass guy named larry. oh but it gets better.
they take about 4 of the same damn shot. i mumble “wow…what a big happy fuckin family.” that one i really said. my mom waves me to come in.
tina signals me to stop.
tina: wait we’re gonna take a couple more.
so they take about 3 more.
tina takes her phone. my mom and her look at the photos.
tina: wow! these came out great!
tina puts her phone in her pocket.
tina: okay we can go home now.
what. the. fuck.
hey tina, i didn’t want to get in that picture anyway. but before you go, i hope you read this, and see this.